Blog FAIL

So I had this gigantic Lost blog for last night's episode all typed out in Word. It took me from about 9am to 2pm to do. Right when I was about to copy it into blogger I discovered that I had accidentally closed it without saving thinking it was a different file.

Now I am blogless and pissed. I'll have to start fresh, which means it won't be coming today.

FAIL

Lost ~ What Kate Does

This week Lost returned to its character-centric episode format, with the twist of offering flash-sideways instead of flash-backs or flash-forwards. I’ve seen a lot of complaints out in the internet world today that this episode was filler, and that they wanted more action. Here is Damon Lindelof’s response:

It was certainly slower paced, but had some awesome little nuggets. Personally, after an action packed premiere, I’m okay with slowing things down a bit. I have enough faith in Damon and Carlton to just hang on and go along with the ride.

Here is a quick recap of the action.

In the Sideways-verse:

Kate has hijacked Claire’s taxi and the driver is reluctantly speeding away from the airport, with a slight delay from Arzt.

“I’m walking here!”

At the first convenient red light the taxi driver makes a run for it, leaving Kate to drive the taxi. Shortly thereafter she ditches Claire on the curb and commandeers her purse and luggage. After bribing a mechanic to get the handcuffs off her, Kate opens up Claire’s luggage to find baby stuff, and her conscience (or haunting feeling of deja vous?) leads her to go back and pick up Claire. She gives Claire a ride to the home of the couple who are going to adopt her baby, but things don’t go so awesome. It turns out the woman’s husband left her and she can’t take the baby anymore. Really? You don’t call the pregnant Australian girl and tell her to save herself a trip? Classy. The stress triggers Claire’s contractions (much like the plane crash did in the Pilot), so Kate rushes her to the hospital. She needs a Doctor, STAT:

Oh HEY Ethan! He tells her that she can have the baby now, or he can stop the contractions. Machines start beeping like crazy and while Claire freaks out she says the name “Aaron”, which just came to her out of nowhere. The machines quiet down and baby Aaron is okay. When the police some asking after Kate by the alias Joan Hart (lol, Melissa Joan Hart?), Claire says she was just the cab driver and that she left after she brought her to the hospital. After the police leave Claire gives Kate her credit card as a thank you.

At the Temple:

Lennon and crew drag newly healed zombie Sayid off to Dogen to be tested with electrodes on his nipples and ash. Nothing happened, which they tell him a good thing. Apparently, not so much. They later tell Jack that Sayid failed the test and needs to take a pill which will stop the infection. But they won’t tell Jack what is in the pill or what this infection is. Sayid says he trusts Jack and he’ll take the pill if Jack thinks he should. The problem is, Jack doesn’t even trust himself these days. So he goes back to Dogen, asks for answers, and stupidly swallows the pill – which is poison, according to Dogen. Now I’m a little fuzzy here – did Dogen successfully sucker-punch the pill out of Jack, or did Jack succeed in swallowing it, hence the special tea treatment? Methinks the former. Dogen then reveals that Sayid has been “claimed.”

''There is darkness growing in him. Once it reaches his heart, everything your friend once was will be gone.'' ~ Dogen

Dogen says that the same thing happened to Jack’s sister. We’ll get to her in a little bit.

The Runways:

Sawyer decides to skip out of temple-town, and of course Kate needs to follow. She tells Jack and folks that she will be able to convince him to return (which she has absolutely no intention of doing). Kate and Jin head off with two of the Others, Aldo (who we last saw getting knocked out by Sawyer and Kate outside Room 23 in season 3) and Justin (who got shushed a lot by Aldo). They stumble upon a trap which looks very much like one of Rousseau’s, but she’s been dead for years (as Justin tries to say). Kate springs the trap and knocks out her Other guards to head off after Sawyer.

She finds Sawyer at New Otherton, ripping up the floor boards of his and Juliet’s house to pull out a shoe box. He tells her that he was going to propose to Juliet, and that it was his fault that she died because she could have left of that submarine their first night in the ‘70s, but he begged her not to go. He throws the ring into the ocean and breaks our heart. Kate cries a lot, because she totally doesn’t have a chance with Sawyer (?), or because she has some other issues going on – but we don’t really care because our Suliet hearts are busy breaking all over again.

Back with Jin, the Others are plenty pissed and Aldo plans on killing Jin (even though Justin says they shouldn’t because he is one of “them”), and Jin gets his foot caught in a bear trap (!) just before someone fires shots that take out the Others.

Hey crazy island Claire! You’re looking mighty Rousseau-ish there!

Sidenotes and Questions:

• The stuffed orca in Claire’s bag is exactly the same as the one Aaron had off island when he was living off island with Kate and Jack.

• What exactly is the “infection”? How is it related to “the sickness” suffered by Rousseau’s people? Is Claire actually Claire, or is she Christian-like manifestation of Smokey? She looked much more Rousseau-ish – not as polished and smooth as we always saw Christian. Did she actually die in season 4, like many believed?
• According to Dogen, he was brought to the island just like everyone else.

• The Others are really concerned with keeping Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Hurley, Jin, Miles, and Sayid (maybe) safe. What exactly did Jacob’s note say?

How I Met Your Mother ~ Rabbit or Duck

I’m so glad that this week’s episode heavily featured HIMYM’s clever Super Bowl ad (shown above). We happened to be tuned in to the Super Bowl when this aired and called immediately for our date with Barney Stinson (which is set for MacLaren's at 3:45 am Monday, October 12, 2016 – jealous? What do you mean everyone got the same message????). For the actual episode they wisely replaced the 877 number with a fake one. Barney spent all episode being haunted by his magic phone, with its “Turkey In The Straw” ring tone slowly driving him mad with the promise of an even hotter girl. Even Ted couldn't resist the siren call of the magic phone, and ends up ditching a perfectly awesome girl that Lily and Marshal “arranged-marriaged” him with for Valentines Day (a girl they got from answering the magic phone) for the promise of an even hotter girl around the corner. Question: Are we to believe that not a single homely girl called that phone?

Meanwhile, Robin is reluctantly going on a date with her jerk co-star, Don. Well, she seems to think of it as a date, but everyone else think that she just WANTS it to be a date, which Robin vehemently denounces. The group says that even though she first saw him as repulsive, so totally wants him now. And thus began one of the greatest arguments of the whole series: Rabbit or Duck.

The premise of the picture above is that at first you may see a rabbit, be completely convinced it’s a rabbit, but one day you would look at it and you suddenly see a duck! (For the record both Courtney and I agree that we always see the duck first when we see this picture). Ted surmises that while Robin may have seen Don as a rabbit at first (something she didn’t want), she now sees him as a duck (and totally wants to jump his bones). Marshal agrees, except he says that the rabbit is the thing you want, not the duck. Thus begins the what older Ted describes as one of the most heated argument the group has ever had, where everyone argues over which is better, rabbit or duck. This is a thrown down, screaming, time elapse, epic argument. At the height of the argument, Marshal argues that the rabbit would prove its superiority if put in a box and forced to fight with a duck.

[both screaming]
Ted: Why don't we just do that?
Marshall: Because it's illegal, Ted!
Ted: Only if we bet on it, Marshall!

In the end, probably hours later, the group finally wears down Marshall and forces him to admit that ducks are better. It’s moments like this that remind me of why I love HIMYM so much.

So, Robin ends up going to Don’s apartment, where she believes there to be a gathering of people (with Ted as backup), only to find Don pulling THE NAKED MAN!

Don: It's called the 'naked man' - I read it about on some guy's blog.

Rabbit. The next day at work, however, Robin is surprised to find an apologetic and sincere Don, who has even gone as far as to put on pants for her (he normally donald ducks it).

Robin: Ah, duck.

Lest we forget, one of the best things about this entire episode was the return of Ranjit! Barney hired him as his personal chauffer to help him deal with the high traveling demands of the magic phone. We died when Ranjit picked up Barney and carried him out of MacLaren’s at the end of the episode. Ranjit is the man, always there when you need him!

Quotes:

Barney: I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway because, you know - germs.

Robin: I hate him - I just want to attack him, rip his clothes off, and spank his little bottom until it turns red - Shut up

Barney: Keep your eyes peeled for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic, and wants to 96 me.

House ~ 5 to 9

If we learned anything from this week's episode, it’s that Cuddy is without a doubt is the HBIC, well at least a HBIC – she was definitely in control of this episode, and barely a scene went by without someone calling her a bitch – so it fits, right? Much like “Wilson” from earlier in the season, we took a break from the usual episode formula and focused on one of our favorite, but often neglected characters – Lisa Cuddy.

This episode showed us that Cuddy has got a shit-ton of stuff going on, plain and simple. In the course of one day she had to deal with a sick baby, an inconsistent boyfriend and impossible to reach nanny, a bunch of chauvinistic jerks from a seemingly heartless insurance company, the hospital board’s threat of firing her, a steeling sociopath pharmacologist, a cancer patient who wanted a prescription for breast milk, hospital legal issues, and House’s high jinks. Despite a fist fight between Chase and the Chief of Surgery, which was clearly egged on by House, some tampering with the surgical bays’ air conditioning, and an obsession with trying to use Malaria as a diagnostic tool, House came in easily as the least of her problems.

Overall I liked the episode, but I can bet that it will be getting mixed reviews. The tone was of the episode was drastically different, and the plot focused a little too heavily on the heartless insurance company which felt a little forced. The point of that plot was to show how tough as nails she could be, even though it brought her to the point of a near breakdown in the elevator, stair case, and car (with House always near by). All of her struggles throughout the day served more an insight into Cuddy’s character, rather than edge of your seat plot devices. From where I stand the episode was a success, and Lisa Edelstein really shined.

Side notes:

• Cuddy’s big “YES!” with the cheesy pull away shot was pretty lame. Not gonna lie.

• Lucas is kind of a douche. Not quite bad enough for us to outright hate him, but we’ll be totally fine when he disappears.

• Cuddy is surprisingly flexible.

• How is it that Cuddy doesn’t have an assistant? That poor nurse!

Quotes:

Cuddy: What'll you do next time one of your patients needs a liver transplant?
House: Go talk to Wilson about something completely unrelated and see what happens.

Cuddy: She’s not massaging your leg.
House: She will. Eventually.

House: I tried to cure a guy with cancer by using malaria to win a $50 bet. You really wanna be more like me?

Fringe ~ Jacksonville

“Did I mention there’s excitement?” ~ Olivia

Fringe’s “winter finale” was an episode exploring the show’s mythology. When a building from the other side (the parallel universe where William Bell hangs out) is brought to our side things don’t work out so well for the building’s inhabitants. Two objects attempting to occupy the same space resulted in people being fused together with their other selves. There are no survivors. Walter realizes that he has seen this before. He gives an example of when he and Belly sent a car to the other side, only to have a car from their side appear fused together with a statue a short while later. The universes require balance. When one object is taken from the other side, something of equal mass must replace it. So in 35 hours or less a building from somewhere in New York City is going to disappear, but there is no way to tell what building it will be!

As it turns out Olivia is the only one who will be able to spot this mystery building. When Olivia was part of Walter and William Bell’s drug trials as a child she was treated with Cortexiphan which gave her all sorts of special abilities that we have seen in past episodes (little Olive started a fire with her mind; she was psychically linked with another person from the trial; turning lights on and off with her mind; etc.). The most important result from this is her ability to be in tune with the other side. When she was a child she was able to identity objects from the other side because they give off a “glimmer”. Walter theorizes that the building that is going to be pulled to the other side will begin to emit this glimmer just before it disappears. Olivia is the only one with this ability, but it no longer works.

Off to Jacksonville! Walter, Olivia, and Peter head off to the site of the original experiments, which Olivia has no memory off. Olivia wasn’t able to see the glimmer of any of the objects in the classroom which were from the other side. So Walter hooked her up to a machine and shot her full of Cortexiphan, which sent her on a terrifying trippy dream where she chased a scared little girl through a dark forest. Olivia, meet Olive (aka, little Olivia who was so freaking adorable that I wanted to eat her). When Olivia woke up she was bitch pissed at Walter.

Dunham: What the hell is wrong with you? You did this to little children?
Walter: We should get to work.

She still wasn’t able to see the glimmer off any objects, and she was still furious at Walter. She found him watching the video of little Olive sitting in the corner of room, every inch of which had been incinerated except for the spot she was sitting (we saw this video last season, but it was a first for Olivia). According to Walter this was when she first saw the other side. She was so frightened that she started a fire with her mind. Walter tells Olivia that he is no longer the same man in the video, and realizes that she is no longer that little girl. It was fear that triggered little Olive’s power, but grown up Olivia is so brave and angry that she can no longer sense that type of fear. Which makes her great at her job, but not so great at spotting glimmering objects. Moral of the story: Olivia is the fiercest HBIC of them all. She goes and sits in the same burnt up room from her childhood and has a tender moment with Peter before they rush back to New York.

They meet up with Broyles and his secret lovah Nina Sharp at Massive Dynamics where everyone is working to narrow down possible buildings based on their approximated mass. Olivia is freaking out because she is supposed to be able to stop this, but she can’t. Peter quietly comforts her and they come agonizingly close to kissing, only to have Olivia realize that she is scared, which is exactly how she will be able to help! She runs to a window and looks out over the cityscape. Tada! Glowing building! Olivia quickly drives to in the direction of the building (why is she alone?) while everyone works with her over the phone to narrow down the possibilities, figure out which building it is, and call in an emergency evacuation. Olivia gets there just in time. Everyone makes it safely out of the building (we think) and it disappears, coming close to sucking Olivia and a doorman along with it.

Olivia: I guess it's safe to say you have the rest of the night off work.

At the end of the episode we see Peter and Olivia getting ready for a date drink, because that’s what normal people apprently do. Walter is practically dancing with excitement. Olivia checks herself out in the mirror, shakes her hair loose, and throws on her leather jacket. Peter classes it up wit a sweater vest (are these two going to the same place?), and we’re giddy with excitement because these two are the “ship” we are most excited for at the moment on any of our shows (as Courtney says, they need to just DO IT!). But when Peter opens the door we see what Olivia can now see - a glimmering Peter. Olivia looks profoundly sad when she realizes what this means. When Peter runs to grab his coat, Walter begs Olivia not to tell Peter. So he’s from the other side, which the audience already knew. Poor Olivia. Now every time that she looks at Peter she sees him all glimmering and wavy. That would drive me crazy. Maybe it won’t be as bad once the Cortexiphan has worn off a bit.


Important Sidenotes:

• The combination that Walter uses to unlock the Jacksonville facility, which he says is the combination that William Bell always used (but he can’t remember why) was 5-20-10. The season finale will air May 20th, 2010. Translation – some major stuff is going down in the finale.

• If whenever you take something from the other side, it must be replaced with something of equal mass from this side – what happened when Walter took Peter? Did someone else get sucked away to the other side in his place?

• Peter and Olivia’s phone scene in the beginning of the episode was hilarious and made us squee with fangirl glee. (Okay, that one was mostly just important to us.)

Quotes:

Astrid: Richard Nixon on a silver dollar.
Walter: That's disturbing.

Olivia: You abused us, Walter. Me and those other children.
Walter: No, we were trying to help you ... I was a different man then.
Olivia: I was a defenseless child.

Olivia: I have a freakishly good memory. I remember everything. Not this. There's just nothing I remember.
Peter: Maybe that's a good thing.

Walter: You're not that frightened child anymore. I thought all we needed was a heightened emotional response from you, but I was wrong. We needed a specific one. Fear. And you're not capable of that anymore.

Olivia: It's too late. I failed, I failed and I'm supposed to be the one who can stop things like this.
Peter: I've never met anyone who can do the things that you do.
Olivia: Peter, I'm scared.

Observer Sighting:

Outside the first building’s crime scene just before Olivia and Co. arrive.

Glyph Decipher:

Lost ~ L.A. X

After months of anticipation it has finally begun. The final season of Lost is upon us. If you haven’t had the chance to watch last night’s season premiere (shame on you!), you should DEFINTELY not read this post. Hurry on over to abc.com and get caught up, STAT. For those good little girls and boys who are up to speed, please crawl through the wall, watch out for one armed French skeletons, scoot around the giant hole, and find your way to the hidden temple.

No, not that one.

That’s more like it.

Any attempt to fully recap this two hour premiere would probably make my head explode. So let’s try to just hit the major points. Here’s where we find ourselves. After the Juliet detonated the hydrogen bomb we were split into two parallel timelines, which we will be hopping back and forth between via “flash-sideways".

In one timeline, the bomb detonated and presumably destroyed the island and all of its inhabitants, which means that Oceanic flight 815 never crashes, but that is not the only consequence. We’ll call this the sideways timeline. How egotistical of Jack and the other Losties to think that there would be no other consequences or changes to the timeline! Things in this timeline are a little off. For example: Desmond is on the plane; Shannon, Michael and Walt are AWOL; Hurley has had nothing but good luck since winning the lottery; Christian’s coffin never made it onto the plane; and the entire island is underwater. Luckily, Sliders has prepared us for this kind of thing, so we’re following along nicely. In this timeline the plane lands successfully, Kate manages to ditch the marshal and ends up in a cab with Claire, Sawyer will probably be conning Hurley in the near future, Charlie almost died choking on a bag of heroin but was saved by Jack, Jin is being detained by security because of a suspicious amount of money found in his luggage, and Shannon is off being lame in Australia still (suits us just fine).

In the OTHER timeline, Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, Miles, Sayid, Jin, and Juliet were all propelled through time to 2007 where it is as if the bomb did not detonate. This is the timeline that we know, where all of the events of the past 5 seasons have taken place. They are now in sync with the Ajira crash. Unfortunately, Juliet is bleeding from just about every part of her body. Sawyer manages to dig his way to her, where she dies in his arms after saying they should get coffee some time, and realizing she has something really important to tell him. Damn this episode for making us watch Juliet die three times! The important thing, we learn courtesy of Miles (our resident Ghost Whisperer), is that “it worked.” Meanwhile, dead Jacob appeared to Hurley and told him to bring Sayid to the Temple by way of the entrance Jin saw during his time jumps last season. Once they all get there we meet up with Cindy (hey girl!), a Japanese dude who seems to be in charge (Mr. Dogen), and a spectacled translator (Lennon). After a secret note from Jacob is discovered inside the ankh in the guitar case Hurley has been carrying around, they decide not to shoot our Losties. Sayid is brought to a magic healing spring, which apparently doesn’t look as awesome as it usually does. The spring fails to heal him. We do a mini dance of a rejoice, but it is short lived because by the end of the episode he pops back to life. Dammit, Sayid! You can’t even die right!

Back on the other side of the island, our suspicions from last season were confirmed when John is revealed to by the Man in Black (aka Jacob’s nemesis), who also just so happens to be the smoke monster. For simplicity’s sake I’m going to call him MIB until we get a better name. So MIB sends Ben back out to bring him Richard, who reveals Locke’s corpse to Ben. Ben is sent back into the statue with some of Jacob’s body guards (way to fail, guys) all of whom (except Ben) get brutally killed by MIB in smoke monster form. MIB heads out to the beach, tells everyone that he is very disappointed in them, tells Richard it is nice to see him out of chains, and then knocks him out, slings him over his shoulder, and heads off into the jungle.

Is this all making sense to you?

Hang in there guys.

What we learned or inferred:

• Richard was a slave aboard the Black Rock (or so MIB’s chain comment leads us to believe). We had already suspected he was on the ship, but didn’t entirely see the slave part coming.

• Fake Locke = Man in Black = Smokey. Oh, and bullets bounce right off him – so shooting him accomplishes nothing but pissing him off.

• The guitar case that Jacob gave Hurley carried a wooden ankh, which had one of Jacob’s infamous lists hidden inside it. Dude, an envelope would have been way easier for Hurley to lug around through time. Just saying.

• The circle of ash does in fact prevent MIB/Smokey from crossing. However, it doesn’t stop him from throwing crap at you to knock you out of the circle so he can kill you. Sorry Bram.

• Michael and Walt were not on Oceanic 815 in the sideways timeline (confirmed by Darlton on Jimmy Kimmel).

• Directly or indirectly, the detonation of the bomb causes the island to be at the bottom of the ocean in the sideways timeline.

New and continuing questions:

• What is Frank a candidate for? The new Richard? The new Jacob? Their new leader? Sexiest man of the year? All of these are viable options.

• Since the island is underwater in sideways land, Desmond never crashed there (which is how he is able to be on the plane). Does this mean he successfully sailed around the world? Did he win Penny’s heart? Does Penny even exist??? When was she born again? Did Jack recognize Desmond from meeting him in the stadium, or is there a greater sense of deja vous going on there?

• What is up with mysterious blood on Jack’s neck?

• Was Daniel Faraday ever born? Did little Ben die???

• If Hurley has had nothing but good luck since winning the lottery (presumably with the same numbers), does that mean that the numbers are no longer cursed? And did he still hear the numbers in for the first time while he was in the mental institution? How did that guy know the numbers if the island was destroyed?

• Did Juliet get a glimpse at the sideways timeline as she died? In that timeline is she having a coffee date with Sawyer? Does anyone really say “go dutch” anymore in reference to paying for your own coffee? Maybe she meant they should go to Holland. Hehehe.

• Where is the “home” that MIB speaks of? The temple? Or something more abstract? Does Richard hold the key to getting him home?

• Where did the Japanese guy (Mr. Dogen) come from? Is he the official temple guardian? How long has he been on the island?

• Why wasn’t the water in the temple spring clear? Was it because of Jacob’s death? If it didn’t work healing Mr. Dogen’s hand, how did it heal Sayid? Did it? Is something more mysterious going on there? What exactly are the risks we were warned of? Because if it’s the loss of innocence (like with little Ben), I don’t think that will change Sayid much.

• In the sideways timeline, why did Locke lie to Boone about the walkabout?

• Does sideways Sun still speak English? Is Jin still a giant douche? Okay, I think we already got our answer on that last one.

• Is anyone else concerned that Christian’s corpse is missing . . . and possibly armed with Locke’s knives?

A couple of quotes:

Ben: You're the monster.
MIB: Let's not resort to name-calling.

Locke: My condition is irreversible.
Jack: Nothing is irreversible.

Sawyer: He deserves to suffer on this rock just like the rest of us.

MIB: Do you want to know what he was thinking while you choked the life out of him, Benjamin, what the last thought that ran through his head was? 'I don't understand!' Isn't that just the saddest thing you ever heard? But it's fitting in a way. Because when John first came to the Island, he was a very sad man. A victim shouting at the world for being told what he couldn't do, even though they were right. He was weak and pathetic and irreparably broken. But despite all that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn't want to leave, the only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was.

Island Gif Party: