TV Blind Dates ~ Part 2

Here is the second installment of randomly matched TV pairings. See Part 1 for more details and the first five match-ups.




Echo (Dollhouse) and Michael Scott (The Office)

Common Ground: Somewhere amongst all of those personalities floating around in Echo’s head there has to be someone with mad managerial skills and at least a passing knowledge of paper products. At varying points in her doll evolution Echo has had qualities that Michael would be sure to like: hard and domineering (like Jan), a playful dork (like Holly), and childlike wonder (like . . . himself?).

Possible Conflicts: Echo’s personality changes so often that’s impossible to keep track of her likes and dislikes, which I’m sure would be challenging in a relationship. Plus Echo is much too focused on her mission – no time for dating. Not to mention the fact that at any moment she could glitch and start kicking the crap out of Michael.

At the end of the date: 90% probability that Michael will think they are going steady, but only a 3% chance that they were ever see each other again.





Liz Lemon (30 Rock) and Dexter Morgan (Dexter)

Common Ground: Both of their jobs (plus Dexter’s dark passenger) require long hours and a lot of night work. Honestly, that’s about all I’ve got for these two!

Possible Conflicts: Despite having no similar interests Liz would be thrilled to be dating a handsome guy like Dexter who doesn’t mind her devotion to her job, and Dexter would appreciate the free time to take care of other priorities. Eventually, though, Liz would stumble upon his little secret and there would be no amount of “nerts!” or “sharkfarts!” that could save her.

At the end of the date: 72% chance of a second date. Likelihood that Dexter wouldn’t be the first serial killer Liz has dated: 35%.





Wilhelmina Slater (Ugly Betty) and Jeff Winger (Community)

Common Ground: Both are natural leaders. They are charismatic (when necessary) and attractive. They set trends and can be very persuasive.

Possible Conflicts: If Jeff was still a fast talking lawyer, he might have had a brief shot with Wilhelmina, but as a community school student? Please – she wouldn’t look at him twice. His lack of money, power, and ambition would be an insult to her.

At the end of the date: If someone managed to trick Wilhelmina into the date and forced her to stay, than there’s a 60% chance of a one night stand, which would be followed by a swift cover-up.





Sarah Walker (Chuck) and Richard Castle (Castle)

Common Ground: Both are worldly and well traveled. They would be worthy fencing opponents. They both thinking well on their feet in high pressure situations.

Possible Conflicts: Regardless of whether Sarah is there undercover protecting him or there as her genuine self, her presence would inevitably turn out to be only temporary. She serves her country first and herself last. At this point in Castle’s life I like to think he’s moved past the casual flings he’s most known for – he has to think about Alexis, after all.

At the end of the date: 28% chance of a second date. 100% chance that Sarah is hiding a knife somewhere you wouldn’t expect.





Betty Suarez (Ugly Betty) and Don Draper (Mad Men)

Common Ground: They both work in New York City in high pressure jobs. Both of their jobs are affected by public opinion in one way or another. Don would appreciate Betty’s pluck and determination. Betty is an excellent listener, which is something Don could certainly use if he was willing to open up to her.

Possible Conflicts: The age difference wouldn’t mean a thing to Don (he’s had younger), but it would probably be weird for Betty. Also, Betty wouldn’t stand for all of that cheating – and you can’t ask Don to change.

At the end of the date: Only 11% likely to have a second date, but there’s a 79% chance that Don will offer Betty a job because he likes her spunk.

Thursday Comedy Christmas Spectacular: 30 Rock and Community

30 Rock ~ Secret Santa

Tina Fey got to lay low a little this week, which is fair enough after the Dealbreaker episode (the crying out of her mouth is still killing me). Nevertheless she still got to have some good moments, mostly trying and failing over and over to find a present for Jack. Ultimately she delivered with the best present possible – a bomb threat to Penn Station which forced Jack’s high school crush (Julianne Moore) to have to stay in New York a little while longer. Awwwww. What did people think of Julianne’s Boston accent? Was it wicked pisser, or too over the top? I’m not native enough to know, but it worked fine for me. Alec Baldwin’s made me uncomfortable though for some reason.

Hey, look who got some major play this episode! Cheyenne Jackson! Not only did he get to have some great lines, but he got to sing (or as we prefer to call it, he Cheyenne Jacksoned all over the place). His tone death duet with Jenna was hilarious and sweet. Dear 30 Rock, please don’t make us go another 2 episodes without seeing him! We start to worry!

Top quotes from the night:

“I'm sorry, are you being sarcastic? It's hard for me to tell. I'm Canadian and we don't have a big Jewish population.” ~ Danny

“That’s what religion is, K-Fed! Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people! Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s!” ~ Tracy

“Aww, sharkfarts!” ~ Liz

Community ~ Comparative Religion

I think it’s fair to say that I laughed harder at this episode than anything else on TV this week (so far – we still have some catching up o do). From the overly politically correct Dean to Shirley’s shock and dismay that the rest of their group wasn’t Catholic, the funny kept on coming. Anthony Michael Hall was an added bonus playing a super douchey bully that picks on Abed and then sets his sights on Jeff, resulting in one epic throw down. I loved Shiley’s insistence that Jeff couldn't fight because it would ruin Christmas, and the constant reminder that it was only December 10th.

Top visuals:

• Shirley shoving Annie’s menorah in the Christmas tree

• Annie gingerly placing baby Jesus in the Christmas tree

• The camera panning the room during Shirley’s rewrite of Silent Night, zooming in on everyone’s battle scars

• The giant menorah on the back of Annie’s sweater.

Quotes:

“Happy last day before winter break. Time to visit our loved ones. Some of you will travel as far as 3 miles! Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland in the quad where were giving away up to six semester of free classes. Wow, what's that sound? Is that the tip tapping of secular boots on the roof? That must be another sign that it 'tis the season because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge.” ~ the Dean

“Ha, ha, ha… Merry Happy!” ~ the Dean

Shirley: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family.
Annie: WWBJD?
Pierce: If it stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?", I'll tell you right now, he'd write another crappy song.
Troy: Yeah, in your face Billy Joel.
[Troy mouths who is that to Annie, who mouths back I don't know]
Shirley: It stands for "What Would Baby Jesus Do?"

Bully: Give me a winter doodle.
Jeff: If you're trying to be menacing, maybe you shouldn't call the cookie by its name.

Britta: The real reason men fight is to release their pent-up gayness.
Pierce: That guy wasn't gay, he had a mustache.

Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.

Britta: Then you move to Vermont...
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.

Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?

And last but certainly not least, Shirley’s carol to the tune of Silent Night:

Sensible night, appropriate night.

Snow on ground, left and right.

Round yon purchase of decorative things.

Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.

Function with relative ease,

Function with relative ease.

30 Rock ~ Problem Solvers

I think that the moral of this week’s episode of 30 Rock was that Kenneth is immortal and he can get damn scary when he wants to – so just let him get you some lunch, ‘kay?

Broadway’s Out Magazine’s Entertainer of the Year Cheyenne Jackson made his debut this week! Despite the fact that he was clearly not playing the silver robot man from last week’s episode, that’s who he is! Way to confuse all the broadway geeks who were keeping an eye out for him in last week’s auditions. Sly move, 30 Rock.

To quickly sum up the episode, Liz and Jack start work on creating a Dealbreaker talk show which is promptly mucked up the “The Problem Solvers” Tracy and Jenna, Kenneth has serious problems with Cheyenne’s character Jack Danny because he won’t let Kenneth be his slave and has scared Tracy and Jenna into holding back on him too, and Padma invented the sandwich bag (Glad will be so proud).

Quotes and GIFs!

“Dealbreaker: The Book for You Man No Good, by Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit” ~ Liz reading the cover of the Engrish version of her book from China.

“Spittake! Are you serious?” ~ Liz

“I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” ~ Kenneth

“Raise your hand if you’re cool with what’s happening!” ~ Liz

“So what if Kenneth’s bitter? He’s an underhuman!” ~ Jenna

“Who said I’ve been alive forever?!” ~ Kenneth (best Kenneth moment ever)

“So you think you can just replace me?” ~ Liz
“Of course not. We can do better. We've already spoken to Padma Lakshmi.” ~ Jack
“Then who's gonna host Top Chef? You are ruining my life!” ~ Liz

Over to NBC for the comedies!

Community


Another great episode this week! Lots of funny moments, including the creep-tastic Human Beings mascot. That culturally neutral thing is going to haunt my dreams. It was nice to learn a little more about Troy and see him do more than a couple of one liners in an episode. As it turns out this episode was actually supposed to air earlier in the season, which would have made perfect sense – but it worked here alright as well.

The best exchange of the night had to have been the following between Jeff and Troy:

Jeff: I’m saying you’re a football player! It’s in your blood.
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: Your… eyes?
Troy: That’s gay.
Jeff: That’s homophobic.
Troy: That’s black.
Jeff: That’s racist.
Troy: Damn!

This one came in at a close second for me:

Jeff: I'm not having a conversation with someone who emerges from a bush.
Britta: Because I'm right?
Jeff: No. Because I'm not in a commercial for breakfast cereal.

30 Rock

Any time Will Arnett shows up on our TV we know we’re in for something awesome, and this was no disappointment. In this weeks episode Jack sets out to design a better microwave and ends up turning it into a car by accident, Tracy (and everyone other man in NYC) is made at Liz for her Dealbreaker book, and Jenna disappears to Iceland to film a werewolf movie (to punish Liz for looking for a new cast member) – perfect plan except for the fact that Iceland only has 1 minute of darkness this time of year. Oh and loved that the porn actress from Nalin' Palin played Liz's porn alter ego.

Best quotes of the night:

“Blammo! Another successful interaction with a man!” – Liz

“I have mercury poisoning. From obsessively taking my rectal temperature.” – Jenna (nice burn to the Pivs.)

"A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.” – Tracy

"The only headline will be 'Donaghy Saves GE, comma, Marries Your Mom." – Jack

Devon: You'd have to take it. I'd make you. I'd make you take it all.
Jack: I'd roll over and let you give it to me.
Devon: I'm honestly not trying to make this sound gay.
Jack: No one is, it's just happening.

 
PS: We are half-way through Parks and Recreations. We'll be finishing that one off tonight!

Hey Nerds, 30 Rock is back!

30 Rock finally made its triumphant return to our TVs last week, and not a moment too soon! From Liz and Pete’s affair-like behavior, to Tracy’s quest to relate to the common man, it was all win. The moment that made me laugh most though was probably the most random moment of the whole episode. Jack mentions that they’ve had to make cut backs all over. The payroll department has been cut down to one guy and an envelope stuffing machine. Cut to a random guy sitting in a tiny room eagerly whispering it’s “my birthday” to the machine seated next to him.

I. Died. Laughing.

And now some top quotes from the episode:

"We'll trick those race car-loving wide loads into loving your, watching your lefty homoerotic propaganda hour yet!" ~ Jack

“Pete’s stealing money.”/”Liz’s uterus fell out.” ~ Liz and Pete simultaneously

“What do we want?"
"To get your sandwiches!"
"When do we want it?"
"Whenever would be convenient for you!” ~ Kenneth and the Pages on strike

“Can I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Crackford? Is it swimming?” ~ Tracy

“Pete and I are intercourseing each other.” ~ Liz

I am ashamed to say that I haven't found any new 30 Rock GIFs yet, so please accept this shameful Jack Donaghy for now: