Bones ~ The Dentist in the Ditch

A gay football playing dentist, civil war reenactors, spiders, rhubarb, and love – this episode had it all! Well, at least it had all of those things, which I think is pretty impressive. Let’s break this episode down a little differently this week, shall we?

The Case

The remains were found by a couple of bickering civil war reenactors who impressed Brennan with their unexpected knowledge of the soil and geological conditions which caused the body to be incased in hard red clay. The body turned out to belong to a dentist, who turned out to be gay. It also turned out that he was a football player on an all gay team. There were various red herrings along the way with fairly reasonable motives for murder: a bitter ex boyfriend; a possibly disgruntled ex-employee; a member of an opposing team whom he fought with (turned out that they were secret lovers). In a classic Bones move, the killer turned out to be the first person we met, a schlubby contractor whom the victim caught reselling paving tile that he had paid for. The murder was accidental, but the cover-up – not so much. To jail with you sir!

The Lab

The drama/comic relief in the lab this week revolved around one of our favorite interns, Vincent Nigel-Murray, desperately trying to earn a word of praise from Brennan. Despite some excellent creative thinking to clean the bones (Rhubarb bath!) he just couldn’t seem to get an approving word out of her. We haven’t seen her this obliviously cold to an intern since Zach’s early days, or the very beginning of the era of rotating interns. Hodgins even tried to set him up for praise:

Hodgins: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.
Brennan: Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.
Angela: Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?

Eventually Cam got through to her and Brennan threw a “good job” his way, which made him down right giddy. An approving smile from her later in the episode had the same effect.

This week in the lab we also learned that Cam hates spiders:

Hodgins: Are you okay there, Dr. Saroyan?
Cam: I'm just itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes and maybe my hair.

And that Vincent Nigel-Murray is a sexy beast:

Vincent: If I had killed everyone who looked at me lustily I wouldn't have made it out of school.

The Heart of the Matter

Hehe, see what I did there? I took the name of Sweets’ study and made it a plot category! Ain’t I clever? Anyway, Jared Booth returned this week and brought a girlfriend/soon-to-be fiancé (Padme) with him. Booth being the overprotective brother that he his ran a background check on this girl and discovered that she was an escort. When questioned by Brennan about this, he said he did it because he cares about Jared. She asked if he runs a background check on everyone that she goes out on a date with. If he doesn’t already, he probably should. I mean seriously, there have been a couple of murders mixed in there!

Booth tells Jared about Padme’s past and Jared is really pissed that he ran the background check, and storms out. Everyone is pretty much on team Jared on this one. Bones is having a serious crisis of logic because she can’t understand why Booth would encourage her to have a relationship with her father even though he killed a man, but cannot approve of Jared dating a reformed escort. In the end it turns out that Jared always knew about Padme’s past, and that she knows about his. They are going to get married and Booth will be the best man. So the mysterious wedding couple spoiler that has been bopping around the internet these last few weeks is finally revealed! Brennan then decides to make a toast, because (as Booth explains) that is kind of her new thing and she’s pretty good at it.

Brennan: When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry, but perhaps Booth is correct. Perhaps love comes first and creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but I'm willing to accept Booth's premise.
Booth: To love.
Jared: To love.
Padme: To love.
Brennan: To love.

And these fangirls’ hearts melted with joy.

PS: I don’t think we’ve had a good old fashioned “Brennan stares at bones alone while some hip music plays until she sees something no one else could possible find” moment since the first season. Possibly even the first episode! Was this a nice throwback, or a little too jarring?

TV Blind Dates ~ Part 3

The final installment of awkward random TV pairings.




Annie Edison (Community) and John Locke (Lost)

Common Ground: The both have a vulnerable side, a need for approval, and obsessive tendencies. Also, I’m just guessing about Annie, but I think it’s safe to bet that they are both rocking some Daddy issues.

Possible Conflicts: The age difference is staggering, and a little gross. Plus Locke’s occasional deaths could put a real strain on a relationship.

At the end of the date: 18% chance of a second date. 100% chance that he is technically old enough to be her grandpa.





Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation) and Walter Bishop (Fringe)

Common Ground: Walter shares Leslie’s appreciation of parks. They are both known to be a little out of touch with the rest of the world.

Possible Conflicts: Walter’s checkered past would be sure to complicate Leslie’s future presidential campaign. The age difference might be a bit troublesome, but if you were to just not count those years that Walter was in the mental institution then they almost catch up with each other.

At the end of the date: 41% chance of a second date. 23% likelihood of Walter convincing Leslie to take a homemade hallucinogen.





Kate Beckett (Castle) and Chuck Bartowksi (Chuck)

Common Ground: Both have high risk jobs where getting shot at is just part of a day’s work. They both will fight for what is right. Beckett might play it cool, but we all know that she is a giant dork deep down.

Possible Conflicts: Beckett is pretty well settled into her adult life while Chuck still has a bit of maturing to do. He’s not quite ready to break through Beckett’s emotional walls yet. (sidenote: how weird is it that their counterparts were paired with eachother in part 2?)

At the end of the date: 72% chance of a second date. 40% chance that Beckett will be sporting a mullet.






Bree Hodge (Desperate Housewives) and Benjamin Linus (Lost)

Common Ground: He’s a BAMF and she’s a HBIC. They share an appreciation for the finer things in life. Whenever possible, Ben is polite and well mannered. They are both used to people dying around them at disproportionate rates.

Possible Conflicts: You know what? No conflicts. I’ve just realized these two are perfect together. Plus there couple name could be Benree. Win win.

At the end of the date: 80% likely to get married and have a bunch of ginger babies. 32% chance of Widmore putting out a death order on at least one of these kids.

 

 


Joan Harris (Mad Men) and Bill Compton (True Blood)

Common Ground: They both have an ageless beauty. We know Joan has a thing for older men (we’re looking at you, Roger). Bill knows how to treat a woman with respect, unlike Joan’s asshole husband.

Possible Conflicts: Bill is cool and powerful and all, but there is no way he could handle a woman as fierce as Joan.

At the end of the date: 76% probability of a second date but only a 25% chance that Joan will understand a word Bill says.

TV Blind Dates ~ Part 2

Here is the second installment of randomly matched TV pairings. See Part 1 for more details and the first five match-ups.




Echo (Dollhouse) and Michael Scott (The Office)

Common Ground: Somewhere amongst all of those personalities floating around in Echo’s head there has to be someone with mad managerial skills and at least a passing knowledge of paper products. At varying points in her doll evolution Echo has had qualities that Michael would be sure to like: hard and domineering (like Jan), a playful dork (like Holly), and childlike wonder (like . . . himself?).

Possible Conflicts: Echo’s personality changes so often that’s impossible to keep track of her likes and dislikes, which I’m sure would be challenging in a relationship. Plus Echo is much too focused on her mission – no time for dating. Not to mention the fact that at any moment she could glitch and start kicking the crap out of Michael.

At the end of the date: 90% probability that Michael will think they are going steady, but only a 3% chance that they were ever see each other again.





Liz Lemon (30 Rock) and Dexter Morgan (Dexter)

Common Ground: Both of their jobs (plus Dexter’s dark passenger) require long hours and a lot of night work. Honestly, that’s about all I’ve got for these two!

Possible Conflicts: Despite having no similar interests Liz would be thrilled to be dating a handsome guy like Dexter who doesn’t mind her devotion to her job, and Dexter would appreciate the free time to take care of other priorities. Eventually, though, Liz would stumble upon his little secret and there would be no amount of “nerts!” or “sharkfarts!” that could save her.

At the end of the date: 72% chance of a second date. Likelihood that Dexter wouldn’t be the first serial killer Liz has dated: 35%.





Wilhelmina Slater (Ugly Betty) and Jeff Winger (Community)

Common Ground: Both are natural leaders. They are charismatic (when necessary) and attractive. They set trends and can be very persuasive.

Possible Conflicts: If Jeff was still a fast talking lawyer, he might have had a brief shot with Wilhelmina, but as a community school student? Please – she wouldn’t look at him twice. His lack of money, power, and ambition would be an insult to her.

At the end of the date: If someone managed to trick Wilhelmina into the date and forced her to stay, than there’s a 60% chance of a one night stand, which would be followed by a swift cover-up.





Sarah Walker (Chuck) and Richard Castle (Castle)

Common Ground: Both are worldly and well traveled. They would be worthy fencing opponents. They both thinking well on their feet in high pressure situations.

Possible Conflicts: Regardless of whether Sarah is there undercover protecting him or there as her genuine self, her presence would inevitably turn out to be only temporary. She serves her country first and herself last. At this point in Castle’s life I like to think he’s moved past the casual flings he’s most known for – he has to think about Alexis, after all.

At the end of the date: 28% chance of a second date. 100% chance that Sarah is hiding a knife somewhere you wouldn’t expect.





Betty Suarez (Ugly Betty) and Don Draper (Mad Men)

Common Ground: They both work in New York City in high pressure jobs. Both of their jobs are affected by public opinion in one way or another. Don would appreciate Betty’s pluck and determination. Betty is an excellent listener, which is something Don could certainly use if he was willing to open up to her.

Possible Conflicts: The age difference wouldn’t mean a thing to Don (he’s had younger), but it would probably be weird for Betty. Also, Betty wouldn’t stand for all of that cheating – and you can’t ask Don to change.

At the end of the date: Only 11% likely to have a second date, but there’s a 79% chance that Don will offer Betty a job because he likes her spunk.

TV Blind Dates ~ Part 1

Courtney is out of town for a few days and new episodes from this week’s programming will wait patiently in the DVRs for her return. So in the interest of satisfying my own boredom I have put together this little time waster.

With the aid of an extremely handy online secret santa name drawing tool I have randomly put together 15 TV Blind Dates featuring some of our favorite characters. Ignoring current (or potential) romantic entanglements, as well as geographical and temporal barriers specific to their respective shows, let’s see show these characters match up! Here are our first five match-ups!


Temperance Brennan (Bones) and Mark Sloan (Grey’s Anatomy)

Common Ground: They are both doctors, and are extremely good looking. They are fans of sex without romantic entanglements. They are neither humble nor shy, and both are well off financially.

Possible Conflicts: Brennan’s literal way of thinking may become a bit tiresome to Mark, who is a fan of obscure references and insinuation. Mark may be a little too smug for Brennan’s tastes.

At the end of the date: 87% probability of a one night stand. 7% chance of a second date.




Sue Sylvester (Glee) and Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)

Common Ground: Phil was a cheerleader in college, so that should give them plenty to talk about. Plus they are both remarkably tall.

Possible Conflicts: Phil is much too weak of a man for Sue. She would destroy him physically and emotionally. But it sure would be fun to watch, right?

At the end of the date: 99% chance that Sue says “You think this is hard? Try __________. That’s Hard!”, 10% chance of this happening in a sexual circumstance.




Callie Torres (Grey’s Anatomy) and Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)

Common Ground: They both have mighty fine singing voices (well, Sara does if Callie doesn’t). They both like the ladies, so they could always talk about that. Whenever Barney gets something broken by a jealous boyfriend or a particularly strong lady conquest, Callie could patch him right up.

Possible Conflicts: Callie’s more of a relationship kind of person. Also, I’m going to go ahead and call her mostly gay nowadays. Barney just came out of a real relationship with Robin, so he’s definitely going to be playing the field for a while.

At the end of the date: 0% chance of a second date, but Callie might be up to being his occasional wingman (wingwoman . . . winglady . . . whichever).




Olivia Dunham (Fringe) and Seeley Booth (Bones)

Common Ground: They are both highly skilled FBI agents (sometimes Olivia is classified as DHS, it’s so hard to keep track). They both look good in suits. They each spend a significant amount of their work day around dead bodies. They are both willing to bend the rules a little if it’s the right thing to do. Olivia is good with kids, so visits with Parker would go smoothly.

Possible Conflicts: Olivia’s work in the Fringe division lends itself to secrecy and government cover-ups, both of which Booth has major issues with.

At the end of the date: 67% chance that at least one of them will get called in to work before the date ends. Possibility of a second date, 25%.




Juliet Burke (Lost) and Gregory House (House)

Common Ground: They are both doctors. House would probably be able to figure out that pesky island pregnancy problem, but sending his team to break into the island’s apartment would probably prove tricky. They both command authority, and at first glance it’s difficult to tell whether they are a good or bad guy.

Possible Conflict: Juliet would put up with a certain amount of name calling and sarcasm (she was with Sawyer after all), but eventually he’d go too far and she would be forced to kick his ass.

At the end of the date: Likelihood that Juliet puts up with House for an entire date, only 35%.

Bones ~ The Proof in the Pudding

Do we think it’s a coincidence that this JFK-assassination-conspiracy-centric episode aired following the X-Files themed episode which prominently featured Dean Haglund who played conspiracy nut Langly on both the X-Files and its spinoff, The Lone Gunman? Or was it an incredibly clever ploy to get X-File fans who may have tuned in just for last week’s episode to hang around? Both? Either way, what a fun episode!

Cam, Angela, Hodgins, Sweets, and Brennan are essentially held hostage in the lab by mysterious government agents who order them to identify the cause of death of a set of bones, but they are not allowed to take any samples from the bones, or do anything that would harm the samples they are provided. Although they are told to not try and identify the victim, evidence quickly begins to pile up that suggests these are the remains of JFK.

Meanwhile, Booth had moonwalked his way out of the lab (literally) just before the lock down and spends a significant amount of time trying to break back in. Finally he makes it past the guards (he walks really quietly), fails to pry open the door, and shoots threw the glass. He and Brennan happily call out to each other just before Booth is tackled by to very large men. Ouch. That one hurt.

The team begins to realize that the evidence points towards there being a second shooter. Despite and elaborate set-up and display of Booth’s awesome sniper skills, the bones reveal that an exit wound is actually an entrance wound, so it had to be two shots from two different locations. Therefore the bones couldn’t be JFK’s, in Booth’s mind, because that would mean that the government covered it up. This is something that Booth, a man who has given his life to the government and sniped almost fifty people under their orders, refuses to believe.

In the great action scene of the night, Booth manages to single handedly take out all of the agents, while Brennan ran away to throw a couple of bones into some chocolate pudding . . . which was conveniently laying around. A sample bone from a different set of remains sunk in the pudding, but the top secret bone floated. This meant that the remains suffered from a disease that JFK was not known to have. Therefore, Brennan tells Booth, these are not JKF’s remains. Later on Cam mentions to Brennan that JFK suffered from Scarlet Fever as a child, and that it could have caused the disease that those remains suffered from. She already knew this. So basically, Brennan covered up the truth (which would have been known only to them, since there would be no way of letting that information go public) to protect Booth. Cue fangirl squee.

Also happening in this episode, Cam found a positive pregnancy test in a bathroom and spends half of the episode freaking out because she thinks it is Michelle’s. The test turned out to be Angela’s. Hodgins tells her that he would be there for her and do anything that she needed, even though the baby is Wendell’s (whom she is dating). In the end we find that the test turned out to be a false positive, but Hodgins’ offer is not going to be forgotten anytime soon. It’s just a matter of time before those crazy kinds get back together.

We also had Diedrich Bader return as Booth’s boss who attempts to help him from the outside. I find it so hard to look at him and not see both Oswald from The Drew Carey Show and Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies. So it’s a good thing his character isn’t meant to be taken seriously here, because I wouldn’t be able to manage. Despite his attempts to be the big hero and rescue them all, he shows up about ten seconds after Booth had subdued all of the guards. As he admitted, Booth sure makes it hard for him to look good around Brennan, whom he clearly still has a thing for.


So what did you think of this week’s episode? Were those actually JFK’s remains, or were they all being tested as Sweets believed? Both? What about the revalation that Booth was a descendant of John Wilkes Booth? Seems like something that should have crossed my mind at some point before, but it totally never did.

Grey's Anatomy ~ I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

In interest of not rambling on and on about this weeks plot, like I did last week, here are a few quick plot bullets, and then we’re chat a bit.

• Izzie returned to suck the life and joy out of every room she entered.

• Derek took on the Chief’s alcoholism after some tricky maneuvering the laws of the post-it.

• Callie got a nasty case of the chicken pox and was quarantined so that she didn’t become Seattle Grace's own personal outbreak monkey.

• Mark and Lexie came clean to each other about their dalliances. Lexie is relieved and thinks they’re even, but Mark doesn’t take it so hot.

• Alex told Izzie to leave and never come back (for the love of god listen to the man!).

• Cristina told Teddy that she chooses surgery over Owen which Teddy drunkenly tells Owen about a minute later, but Owen isn’t willing to let Cristina give up so easily.

Okay folks, seriously - just keep Katherine Heigl off our TV. I know there are people out there who still care about her character (we are not among them), but can anyone honestly say that her presence added anything to this episode beside awkwardness? It felt like anytime she showed up the pace came to a screeching halt. Even Jackson, the Mercy Wester who we barely know, fit in more comfortably whenever he appeared. I think it’s time for everyone to face that Izzie no longer serves a purpose and should just be put out to pasture. Will she be? Not completely, because we know she’ll be returning again at some point later in the season. Hopefully Shonda do us (and Heigl) a solid and release her from her contract at the end of the season. The dialogue sure implies that she should be done for good:

“I want you to go and be happy and not come back.” ~ Alex

''I can't be here anymore. … I have to start over, I need to start over.'' ~ Izzie

You don’t have to kill her off, just let her go. Maybe she should take a walk in the parking lot of no return.

On the Richard/Derek/Meredith front, was it cruel of Derek to have poured that drink in front of Richard, knowing he couldn’t resist? Maybe a little. Was Derek doing it for the greater good of the hospital, or so he could snag the role of interim Chief? Methinks a little bit of both. In the end it was the right thing to do. Was Meredith in denial of the Chief’s alcoholism because she honestly trusts him (like a father, at this point), or because she was benefiting with specialized education and opportunities? Again, probably a little of both. What’s most important is that the Chief is going to get help and hopefully the hospital can start sucking a little less. Speaking of which, how great was it that Owen was actually hording sterile surgical equipment since they had run out the night before? Back to Derek and Meredith, I like that we can see them argue and struggle like this, but at the end of the day we can see that they’re going to be okay as a couple. PS: It is still a little strange for us to be liking Meredith as much as we do now. She had us all smiles when she invoked the power of the post-it and with her little fist pump in the air later on the episode.

Finally, Callie and her chicken pox killed us. While Izzie was busy sucking the life out of her parts of the episode, Callie was working overtime with the funny to compensate. We loved her descent into madness and trying to threaten/convince Lexie to remove her gauze paws so she could relieve herself of the pain of the thousand itches ("...not funny crazy, bad crazy. Dark crazy. Its make a suit out of someone else's skin crazy...").While it would have been easy to be a little mad at Arizona for pretending that she hadn’t had chicken pox so that she wasn’t quarantined in with Callie, she’s immediately forgiven when she reveals to Lexie that she did it because she is so in awe and in love with Callie that she was afraid that the oozing, itching, crazy Callie might take them past the sexy part of things. In the end she climbs into the bed with Callie and said she doesn’t care if she gets the pox (which of course she couldn’t, but still). Oh, and we finally get to see Callie and Arizona getting frisky in the hospital, which is how Callie’s pox are discovered. Also, according to Arizona, hospital sex is a sure fire cure for headaches. Valuable information for all.

Quotes of the night:

“Izzie leaves and Mark gets a kid, and you two decide the best way to deal is to get drunk and mash your genitals together?” ~ Meredith

“Alex and I, we've done it before. I was recycling, it was like good for the environment.” ~ Lexie.

“It's like if you tell someone their baby is ugly. You know it, they know it - but you don't say it.” ~ Meredith

“You're gonna touch doorknobs and then you'll be the outbreak monkey.” ~ Arizona

“Take off my gauze paws.” ~ Callie

PS: It makes me crazy when they release promo pictures for things that don’t actually end up happening in the episode -  but to release a picture with a new character that doesn’t even end up appearing? WTF, guys? This dude is clearly going to be a love interest for Bailey, but I didn’t see him anywhere in this episode. Did you?

Chuck versus Operation Awesome

This week we quickly resolved last week’s cliffhanger where there was a slight possibility that Awesome was dead (okay, the previews resolved this 1 second after the last episode ended, but whatever – it will be more suspenseful on the DVDs). We open up with Awesome being help captive by Sydney, a Ring operative (played by Angie Harmon) who thinks that Awesome is the super spy – not Chuck. Sydney’s goal is to recruit who she believes to be one of the CIA’s greatest assets, so she lets him go and sets him up with a trial run mission to test his loyalty. Luckily for Awesome, Chuck is there to help him along the way, playing Sarah to Devon’s Chuck.

Casey: In this mission, Devon is you and you're her. So be her, Chuck.

Even more lucky is that the Intersect 2.0 comes through when Chuck needs it along the mission, resulting in some super snazzy tranq gun shooting.

Awesome: You're incredible, is that your spy training?
Chuck: Duck Hunt, Nintendo.

Of course, the Intersect can’t be perfect all of the time. Earlier in the episode, when Awesome was still MIA, Chuck opened up a can of whup-ass on Lester when his samurai skills were accidentally triggered. Lester is high off the thrill of the pain and the next thing we know all of the Buy More staffers are covered in bruises and sporting Tyler Durden sun glasses (except Morgan, the newly appointed Ass Man).

Lester: It's the first time I've felt alive since my Bar Mitzvah.

The Buy More Fight Club serves mostly as a device for setting up Chuck’s escape towards the end of the episode (thanks electrified fence), but delivered some of the biggest laughs of the night. Mostly it was the chubby ginger kid (whom I just learned is named Fernando – who knew?) covered in bruises, fighting Jeff, and chump-bumping Morgan that killed me. Love him.

Anyway, spy stuff also happened. Awesome’s orders from Sydney are to kill a CIA agent, which of course neither he or Chuck would ever do. The agent takes a pill to temporarily stop his heart and shoots himself in the shoulder. Sydney is satisfied and as soon as she leaves Awesome revives the agent. Meet Shaw (Brandon Routh), whom we heard Beckman talk with in Chuck versus The Three Words. He’ll be taking over Operation Bartowski for all things Ring related. We already hate him because we know he’ll be (spoiler alert!) a love interest for Sarah, and he didn’t help endear himself to us any when he refused to let Sarah and Casey assist Chuck when he lured The Ring to the Buy More. Luckily Sarah basically blew off Shaw’s orders (and his gun point) to go help Chuck, with Casey right behind him. At the end of the day, Shaw shot Sydney and kept both Chuck and Devon safe for the time being, Awesome officially retired from the spy game, and the whole gang eats some tasty Teriyaki Surprise at Morgan and Chuck’s pad.

Girl Fight of night: Sarah takes on Angie Harmon with the first official girl fight of the season. Gotta love when there’s a female villain, because you know Sarah’s going to beat the crap out of her. True, Sarah wasn’t exactly triumphant this time around, but still fun never the less.

Accidental Flash of the night: Chuck screaming in Chinese (?) about his spy troubles to that rude little asian lady killed me.

LOL of the night: Devon’s Epic Fail at trying to lie to Ellie, and telling her that he didn’t come home because he was busy decapitating a bear in the park.

Grey's Anatomy ~ Blink

It’s been a long time since Grey’s threw Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years at us and disappeared. Almost two months. Is this too long for a show to go on winter hiatus? Yes. Is it anywhere near as long as Glee is forcing us to wait? No. So it’ll be forgiven this time – I might not be so understanding next season! This week Grey’s returned with the much hyped crossover event, although Addison was so barely used on the Grey’s side of things that I almost forgot she was there! They saved all of the juicy Addison/Mark stuff for Private Practice which, lets face it, can always use the ratings.

We had a lot of things going on this episode, so let’s review:
(This recap ended up being waaaaaaaaaaaay to long, but I spent too much time writing it to not post it all – so this might take you a while)

Things aren’t going so smoothly for Lexie and Mark, relationship wise. Sloan (the daughter) is seriously cramping Lexie’s life, and she is in no way prepared to help Mark raised his grandchild with his daughter. Remember how Lexie chopped off her finger tips when Sloan moved in? Yeah – she’s not ready for that. By the end of the episode they are broken up and she is in bed with Alex.

Sloan’s baby is in trouble and the current gyno staff at Seattle Grace apparently sucks so hard that Mark calls Addison and has her rush out to save the day. Unfortunately Mark has turned into a nervous daddy and makes Addison stop in the middle of surgery when there was a slight risk that Sloan could have bled out. Addison goes home, but Mark and Sloan soon follow right behind her to have the surgery. I don’t know how that went yet, because we only made it 15 minutes into Private Practice before passing out – but I do know that Addison and Mark get all hot and sweaty in Addison’s office.

Derek, Callie, and Bailey are treating an injured football star. Upon Addison’s suggestion, Derek tries to set Bailey up on a date with the new guy in radiology.

''I'm in the middle of a divorce. People call me the Nazi, and it's not because of my ice blue eyes. I spend 12 hours a day carving people up, and I like it. I have a child and I have no room for casual anything. I'm angry all the time. … You want lunch, or you wanna show me the scan?''

It didn’t go so hot. As a byproduct of this, Derek discovers that Bailey has been taking extra good after care of the patient that turned yellow when the chief messed up the surgery, and begins to deduce that there is a reason why he won’t operate. By the end of the episode Meredith tells him that the Chief has been drinking again. That should go well for everyone.

Oh yeah, and the Mercy Westers are still around. Almost forgot about those guys! Reed insinuates that she will sleep with Alex if he gets her in on Callie’s surgery. Alex is leading her on to believe that he is going to collect. Meredith is pissed at Alex because he is technically still married to Izzie (even though she abandoned him).

“Turns out your stupid Post-It is 10 times the marriage my church wedding ever got me. I'm moving on.”

Meanwhile Charlie (another Mercy Wester) is pissed too because he is totally in love with Reed. More importantly, I’m pissed that I’m wasting my time thinking about the Mercy Westers when the only one I find mildly interesting (Jackson) is nowhere to be found. Sorry, that was harsh. I want to care about you guys (kinda), but there is just so much else happening that is more interesting!

Teddy gave Cristina a solo cardio surgery, but it’s not going to be easy. She’s stuck with an indecisive patient (who played Joy “Moist” Lass on Dead Like Me) who can’t decide between a mechanical, porcine, or bovine valve, all of which require completely different preparation. In the end Cristina gets her to make a decision (“cow or pig?”), but surgery doesn’t go smoothly either. While the patient is in serious danger, Teddy sits back and reads a magazine while Cristina tries to figure out what to do. The patient makes it, but we’re left over with some Teddy/Owen drama that makes Teddy quit. Cristina isn’t about to loose another cardio attending, especially one that is finally pushing her, so she goes into a rant that Teddy can have anything she wants if she stays.

Teddy: “I want Owen.”
Cristina: “Fine! Done! Take him!”

Oops! The look on Cristina’s face tells us that she just realized she actually would trade Owen for her career. If that isn’t enough to get Teddy to hang around, I don’t know what is.

Side note: Did Mercy West bring it’s cheery wall colors with them or something? Where did that paint come from? What hospital am I in?

Most importantly we learned, in a blink and you missed it moment, that lesbians do in fact like to be naked together, despite what previous episodes have implied:

Bones ~ The X in the File

Our X-Phile hearts are still a flutter with joy from this episode. Personally, I think it shows great restraint on Bones’ part that they managed to wait until the 5th season to throw out an X-Files themed episode, and a pretty good one at that! I have to admit that at some point the episode seemed a little too full, and my focus got a little lost between the case, the Roswell side of the investigation, the Jeffersonian side of the investigation, the Angela/Wendell romance, and the Hodgins jealousy issues, but for the most part we really enjoyed this one.

Quick recap of the case: A UFO watcher in Roswell stumbled upon a body in the dessert that looked distinctly alien (spoiler alert: it wasn’t). It turns out that the body was of a female fellow UFO nut, who as it turns out was having an affair with the guy who discovered her. The girl (or “El Crazerita” as the shot gun toting land owner, played by Patty the daytime hooker from My Name Is Earl, called her) was in the UFO business for the money, hoping to make a big discovery that will pay off big. Not so luckily for her, the discovery she made wasn’t so Alien as it was corrupt (illegal dumping of battery waste in Mexico). But it wasn’t the lover or the company that did her in. It was Langly from The X-Files! Or rather Dean Haglund playing a café owner – but let’s just continue calling him Langly, shall we? He thought that the footage El Crazerita filmed of the battery dump was genuine Alien encounter footage. One thing leads to another, and the girl gets a head full of ball bearings courtesy of a toy zip gun.

Best Moments:

• The X-Files theme ring tone coming from the cell phone dropped near the alien looking body. I knew it was coming thanks to the commercials, but I laughed so hard anyway.

• Brennan screaming as the “alien” body appeared to be rising up in the MRI machine, and Booth drawing his gun only to have it fly at the machine.

• Hodgin’s experiment to determine what type of weapon was used to shoot the ball bearings into the victim’s head. He got a little too much enjoyment out of placing wigs and photos on the melons to make them represent himself, Wendell, Cam, and Angela.

• Booth convincing Brennan that aliens might be nice anthropologists like her.

Bonus trivia: The children’s show Booth mentioned, Rocketship 7, was hosted by David Boreanaz’s father.

Foxy Monday ~ House and Fringe

House ~ The Down Low

Ethan Embry guest starred this week as a drug dealer who has all sorts of stuff wrong with him, but refuses to share useful information. Scratch that, he’s an undercover cop who doesn’t want to blow his cover or mess up the big bust they have planned. Anyone else feel bad for Eddie, Mickie’s drug dealer friend? Sure he’s probably killed dozens of people and he’s a criminal and all, but he was totally there for Mickie. I felt bad for him too, until about 10 minutes ago when I realized that the actor played Donnie Pfaster on The X-Files, who abducted and tried to rape/murder Scully TWICE. Sympathy officially gone. Sorry. Oh yeah, and Mickie totally dies, which is pretty rare on House. Sorry, dude.

Most importantly, we had some pretty hot House/Wilson action this week. Wilson tried to ask a neighbor out on a date, only to find out that their entire building thinks that House and Wilson are a gay couple. House decides to mess with Wilson by reinforcing this idea (why hello giant Chorus Line poster and Evita listening parties). House then decides that he wants to sleep with this girl too and is planning to pull the whole backrub turns into a front-rub, “I’ve never felt this way about a woman before”, routine. Then, in a moment that will live forever in Hilson infamy, Wilson proposes to House in a restaurant. And they lived happily ever after. Wait, no . . . neither one of them gets the girl (although House tries to put in a good word for Wilson with the girl during his confession/semi-apology).


Fringe ~ Unearthed

Okay, apparently we were warned ahead of time in commercials or something that this episode was actually a first season reject, but Courtney and I (plus a whole lot of other viewers) totally missed that heads up and had a mini-heart attack when Charlie popped up part way through the episode. Not only did Charlie die in the beginning of the season, but Olivia shot Shape Shifter Charlie right between the eyes during “Momentum Deferred”. After a few minutes of trying to remember what the heck happened before the Winter break we were quite confident that this was an old episode. Astrid’s first season hair (which we prefer) reinforced this a few moments later.

Besides all of that confusion, this was a perfectly okay episode. Nothing particularly spectacular, with the exception of some Olivia/Peter stuff brought up by possessed girl. We can see why it was left off the schedule. I wish they had just put it on the first season DVD as a bonus instead of confusing the hell out of us though!

Regardless, here is your Observer sighting (looking how clear Michael Ceveris is! A sure sign of being shot in NYC) and your glyph.

Castle ~ A Rose for Everafter

It amazes me how Castle is able to keep improving with every single episode. This week Alyssa Milano guest starred as Castle’s college sweetheart, aka “the one that got away”. I seriously don’t think that she’s aged a bit since the ‘90s, and it’s really starting to freak me out. Anyway, we really enjoyed her performance and was only filled with mild annoyance at her kiss with Castle (versus the full blown rage we were expecting), so good for her! We thoroughly enjoyed Lanie’s constant prodding at Becket to get her to admit that she was jealous of Kyra (Milano) because she is totes in love with Castle and everyone knows it. Becket wouldn’t budge. That bouquet to the face at the end of the episode sides with Lanie (and the rest of us) on that one.

Best moments:

• Castle having Alexis duct tape him to a chair so that he could figure out how Nikki Heat would escape. Answer: trash can and some helpful garbage.

• Ryan and Esposito discussing which Jonas brother was coolest.

• When Becket had here “ah hah!” moment and Castle came bursting out of the elevator with the same realization.

• Cliché though it might be, you gotta love a deliberate bouquet toss.

Next week we’re finally getting back to Becket’s mother’s murder case, and it looks intense. Can’t wait!