Desperate Housewives ~ The Chase

This week’s episode title had me somewhat puzzled at first, until I realized the song being referenced was “The Chase” incidental music from A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum (two Forum songs in a row!) which underscores the giant chase sequence at the end of the show. During this sequence everyone basically runs around like crazy until they somehow eventually end up right where they belong – be it reunited with their family, in the arms of their true love, or free (amongst others). Although this episode didn’t have any literal chase scenes, it did steer the characters towards some happy endings, love, and new pursuits (both creepy – I’m talking to you new guy, and uninteresting – that would be you, Bolens).

More importantly, this episode had more gay people than a matinee of Xanadu. Where have all of Bob and Lee’s gay friends been hanging out? I refuse to believe that a porch full of gay men drinking cosmos in the middle of the afternoon is a normal event on Wisteria Lane. Speaking of gay guys, nice to see you again Andrew! We also got some speedy progress on the Katherine/Robin front. It wasn’t only a good night for the gays, but the b-list characters really got a chance to shine this week too. Now if only we could have avoided seeing the Bolens for an entire episode, it would have been a completely satisfying episode.



Gabby and the Gays

Celia comes down with a case of the chicken pox, which means pox-susceptible Gabby gets a vacation. Why she ended up at Bob and Lee’s home instead of someone she is a bit closer to is kind of a mystery, but we’ll role with it because it means we get to see more of our fave gay men on Wisteria Lane (sorry Andrew, you’ve been slacking, and I can’t even remember what your boyfriend looks like). Gabby is in heaven. Not only does she get to take a nap in the middle of the day, but she also gets to drink herself silly and party with dozens of gay men we’ve never seen before. Really, guys? Isn’t Bob a lawyer? Is he really drinking and partying so heavily on a week night? I know they have to juxtapose their FABULOUS life with Gabby’s boring family life, but what adult couple with jobs actually does like that?

Anyways, Carlos tells Gabby that the kids aren’t contagious anymore, but she isn’t quite ready to leave her vacation yet. She tells Carlos that she has a stomach virus so she’d better stay a way a little longer, and the party continues.

“I have mini quiches in the fridge and ten gays on speed dial.” ~ Lee

For a while longer she is happy being the center of the gay universe, charming them all with stories from her modeling years, but when Celia (or was it Juanita?) calls to tell her about making a soccer goal she stumbles upon a quiet room which turns out to be a nursery. Bob finds her and tells her that he and Lee have been trying to adopt a baby, but it hasn’t been going so well. They came very close a couple of months ago, and even held a little girl in their arms for two days before social services informed them that the mother had changed her mind (Gabby can relate, if you recall).

“You may envy our lives, Gaby, but it's nothing compared to how we envy yours.” ~ Bob

She of course heads back home with a refreshed appreciation of her family. This whole plot was pretty much just for comic relief, but it was sure nice to see more out of Bob and Lee. I hope they don’t drop the adoption storyline.


Bree, Andrew, and Creeper McCreeperson

Bree is a bit frustrated by Andrew who is coming up a little short in terms of managing her employees. Tad, a young gay guy who we’ll probably never see again, accidentally accepted a delivery of 100 flower arrangements, instead of the 10 that they ordered. Bree wants to take care of Tad, but Andrew says he can handle it – it’s his job, and he’ll never get any better at it if she doesn’t let him handle his mistakes. To be fair, Tad is a moron and should definitely be fired. I’m team Bree on that one. Next thing you know some creepy dude waltzes into Bree’s office, declares himself a huge fan, and wants to work for her. She’s skeptical, but his qualifications are outstanding and he comes up with a brilliant solution to her flower problem right off the bat. The guy, Sam Allen, is a definite creeper. You can tell right off the bat. Not helping his case is that he’s played by Sam Page, who plays Greg Harris (Joan’s loser, rapist of a husband) on Mad Men. I know a bad guy when I see one!

Sam later tells Bree and Andrew that he thinks they should fire Tad, and when Andrew puts up a fight Sam reveals that he thinks Andrew is having an affair with Tad. That’s a pretty bold accusation to make in front of someone’s mother/boss, don’t you think Sam? Andrew admits that it’s true, but Bree shouldn't be able to judge him for cheating on Alex considering how she cheated on Orson with Karl. Pot, Kettle, etc. Later on Sam has a heart to heart with Bree, saying that it must be difficult having a family member as an employee. How does she know when to cut the apron strings and stop coddling Andrew? He says that he can take of things at work, and that she should go catch up on her sleep. As soon as she clears out he picks up Andrew’s “World’s Greatest Son” son mug and pours himself a cup a creepy coffee. Whatever this guy is up to it is no good. Andrew and Bree should both watch out!


Happy Birthday Polly Penny

This was epic fail week over at the Scavos. Somehow Lynette and Tom managed to forget Penny’s birthday. I’m sorry, but I don’t know any 11 year olds who don’t start giving you a countdown at least 2 months before their birthday. For the sake of the plotline we’ll just say that Penny is as quiet and forgettable as her amount of screen time this season would imply.

Tom: How could you forget her birthday?
Lynette: I'm pregnant. I forget pants sometimes.

They try to make it up to her with a party that night, but things are only made worse when Lynette accidentally tells the bakery to put “Polly” on the cake, instead of Penny (this is one of the baby names being tossed around). Fail. The next day Penny doesn't take the bus from school. One of her classmates gives Lynette a note saying that Penny had run away from home. She and Tom get thoroughly judged at the police station, where they receive a call saying that Penny is at a hotel where she tried to check in using their credit card. Apparently the hotel has no issues renting rooms to 11 year olds, because when Lynette shows up Penny has made herself comfortable in the room and had already cracked open an $8 jar of nuts. Lynette apologizes, but Penny says she isn’t mad at Lynette, she’s mad at the baby. Lynette tells her to look at the bright side. Soon Porter will be moving out, and then it they’ll have a 3 to 2 female majority in the house.

“Think of a world where the toilet seat is never up! This is our time to take them down!” ~ Lynette

They have themselves a good tickle and decide to stay in the hotel room that night and order ice cream sundaes.


McCluskey, Roy, and that meddling Susan

While over for breakfast, Susan starts questioning Roy as to whether he sees marriage in his and McCluskey’s future. He says that he and Karen are happy they way they are, but it turns out McCluskey has a different opinion. Susan practically forces Roy to propose on the spot. Since Susan eventually ruins everything she touches, things immediately start to go wrong. Roy tells her that the second he wasn’t allowed to look at other women, he started noticing them. He was certain he would end up cheating on Karen. He even plants a kiss on Susan to drive home his point (and to make for interesting promos). When Susan gets up the nerve to warn McCluskey about Roy’s wandering eye, she finds her crying on her sofa. No, Roy hasn’t left her – the doctors found a spot on her lung that they think might be cancer. This is especially traumatic since the actress has lung cancer in real life. Susan runs into Roy on the way home and he says that cancer picked the wrong broad to start a fight with. She’s going to beat this thing. Also, they’re going to get married as soon as possible. Awwwwww.



The Boring Bolens

These scenes were such a waste of air time. Couldn’t we have tacked them on to the beginning of the next episode instead? Danny lied to his parents and said he went camping with Eddie to clear his mind. As we know, he went to NYC to search for Anna. They later run into Eddie at the grocery store who reveals where Danny had really gone. Oh no! What if Danny goes back to the old neighborhood? What is Patrick finds him? What if I COULD NOT POSSIBLY CARE LESS?!?! Sorry, but I am so over their storyline. Angie I don’t mind as much, but Danny and Nick are useless and annoying. Couldn’t these minutes have gone to a more intesting storyline, like . . .


Katherine and Robin

Katherine, who totally isn’t into women if you recall, starts out with a steamy dream sequence staring Robin, maple syrup, and very little clothing. Oh my, Katherine, what gay dreams you are having! She later talks to her therapist about the dreams and says they can’t possibly mean she is interested in women, because people her age don’t just wake up one day with an entirely different sexuality (pffffffffft, okay Katherine, sure they don’t). Her therapist makes a good point and reminds us that Katherine was coo coo for coco puffs just a short while ago, and romantic interludes of any sort might not necessarily be in her best interests. He suggests that it might be for the best to ask Robin to search for new living arrangements (hey, way to rain on our lesbian parade!).

Later Robin comes home with good news – she just scored a hostessing job at a fancy sounding restaurant. She thanks Katherine for loaning her the shirt she is wearing ( . . . really? ok) and she pops open a bottle of champagne, which spills all over her. Robin takes off the shirt so she can go rinse it out, despite Katherine’s protests. Katherine flashes back to her dream, and blurts out that Robin needs to move out. Robin is upset, and exposed (she stands there in her bra for the rest of the scene – I think Julie Benz was clothed for about 5% of her screen time this week). Katherine reveals that she has developed feelings for Robin, which is something she can’t handle right now, so Robin needs to move out. Robin admits that she also has feelings for Katherine. She goes upstairs to pack, but Katherine can’t stay away for long. Just a little while later she goes into Robins room and closes the door suggestively (really, you bothered to close the door even though you are the only two living there?). The next morning we find Katherine and Robin in bed together. Katherine’s expression is a little hard to read. Hopefully she doesn’t have a morning after freak-out.

Desperate Housewives ~ Lovely

I'm lovely,

All I am is lovely.

Lovely is the one thing I can do.

Winsome,

What I am is winsome,

Radiant as in some

Dream come true.

Oh, Isn't it a shame?

I can neither sew

Nor cook nor read or write my name.

But I'm happy

Merely being lovely,

For it's one thing I can give to you.

I see what you guys did there. This week’s episode is titled “Lovely”, which of course is the above quoted song from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Forum, sung by Philia, a Courtesan with nothing to her name except her looks. While it’s true that Philia turns out to be fairly useless except for her beauty, this episode proves that there’s more to Robin (Julie Benz) than her ex-stripper exterior suggests. An honor usually reserved only for dead housewives, or particularly awesome handymen, Robin gets an entire episode devoted to her and interactions with the ladies of Wysteria Lane. We now know more about her than I think we ever did about the Applewhites, for example, and more than I even want to know about the Bolens (have I mentioned how over that mystery I am?). Perhaps we’re a little biased by Julie Benz love combined with our excitement over her storyline with Katherine, but we thought this a nice little episode. It may not have advanced on going plots by much, but it did kick start an exciting new beginning for Katherine and show that Julie Benz would make a delightful long term addition to the Desperate Housewives family.

We started off the episode with Katherine’s welcome back from being crazy party, where Susan brought Robin. The men are all instantly enthralled by her, and the ladies are instantly jealous. Both cases are made worse when Robin reveals to the men that she used to be a stripper. Everyone, except for Katherine (who doesn’t have a husband or teenage boy to keep tabs on), thinks this will only end badly, despite Susan’s reassurances. To be fair, when has anything Susan’s done worked out particularly well?

Lynette and the Stripper

When Lynette discovers Parker and a bunch of his hormonal young friends spying on a showering Robin, she immediately confronts Robin to tell her to close the curtains when she takes a shower, and that the neighborhood is full of decent people and innocent children, so she better watch out. Robin lets her know that she’s sorry about the shower, but she should know that Parker asked her to have sex with him, and when she declined he then offered to pay her for it. Seriously, Parker?

“We'd hoped that it'd be another year before we had the parent-son conversation where we tell you not to offer your neighbor money for sex, but...” ~ Lynette

Tom sets Parker straight and tells him that he doesn’t need to pay for it, and in a few years he’ll be doing just fine for himself, sex-wise (ew). As soon as Parker clears out Tom lets it slip that he thinks men are always paying for sex in one way or another (dinner, flowers, presents, etc.). Lynette is disgusted (fair enough). It turns out that Tom was under the impression that the first time they made love it was because he had taken her to a fancy restaurant. Lynette tells him he’s an idiot, because the reason he got lucky was because he had shown up to the date with a light bulb to replace one burnt out in her apartment hallway, because she didn’t live in the best neighborhood. She was ready to do him right there, because he was concerned for her safety.

The next day Lynette apologizes to Robin, who accepts the apology but tells her she should close her curtains the next time she “gives it” to Tom.


Bree and the Stripper

Robin asks for Bree’s help making a cake as a thank you to Susan and Mike for their hospitality. As she doesn’t know anything about cakes except that if you are hiding in one for more than an hour it needs to have really big air holes, Bree walks her through it. Robin is super excited and takes a picture of Bree for her new cell phone screen saver. This brought my favorite throw away moment of the night, when she said her current screen saver was of a cat eating noodles, which I can only hope to be spaghetti cat.

As if we needed another reason to love Robin. After Bree revealed that she’s been having some intimacy issues with Orson, Robin suggest that she try connecting with Orson by spicing things up a bit. When Bree gets home she finds Orson reading and listening to classical music. She then begins what is easily the most awkward lap dance in the history of the human race. There is a very long list of things Bree excels at, but erotic dancing is absolutely not among them. Her dance/walk is so bizarre it prompts Orson to ask if she’s walking so strangely to make him feel better about being paralyzed. He worries that she might be having a stroke. When she tries to strip off her shirt, it gets stuck on her earing and she stumbles about with her head covered. Orson runs over her toes with his wheel chair while trying to help. It was all so crammed full of second hand embarrassment and awkwardness that I still can’t decide if it was hilarious or tragic (the jury is leaning towards hilarious). After all that is said and done, she and Orson have a sincere conversation where they speak to each other about their issues and Bree says she wants to get their intimacy back, even if it’s just as much as holding his hand while he falls asleep. She sits in his lap and he holds her while they listen to classical musical. It’s so sweet that I almost forget that they are completely glossing over Karl, Orson's blackmailing, and his kleptomania. Still, it was nice to have Orson not be complaining about something, like he’s actually working to move forward in his life. Maybe these crazy kids can work it out after all.


Gabrielle and the Stripper

Gabrielle decides that she’s had enough of Anna hanging around Danny Bolen, especially since she and Carlos overheard Angie and Nick (or Dad Bolen as we like to call him) arguing about their secret life. Gabby pulls some strings and gets Anna accepted to modeling school, which apparently starts immediately. How convenient! Seriously though, this is pretty sweet for Anna because she does want to go to New York to be a model. The only hitch is that Anna and Danny had planned to move to New York together after graduation and she doesn’t want to go without him.

Gabby tells Susan about her troubles, and Robin helpfully chirps in with a story about how when she was in high school she wanted to be a ballerina, and she was quite good. She was offered a once in a lifetime opportunity but she turned it down for a boy, who dumped her a little while later. Then she was in a car accident which injured her knee and ended her chances of a career in ballet. Gabby says that’s great! She wants her to tell Anna that story so that Anna won’t ruin her life because of a boy and end up an ex-stripper like Robin. Gee thanks. Robin does tell Anna the story, and is apparently quite convincing because Anna decides to go to New York and breaks up with Danny. Yay, we’re finally rid of Anna (I hope, but doubt)! When Robin finds out that Gabby was only using her to break up Anna and Danny, she is pissed off. She tells Gabby that she felt used, but Gabby didn’t care. In return, Robin told Danny what went down and he disappeared off to New York after her. So Robin managed to get rid of two of my least favorite characters of the season. Not too shabby! I know they’ll be back, but let me dream!

Susan and the Stripper

Despite claiming that the neighborhood has nothing to worry about when it comes to Robin, and that she is totally cool with her being in her house with her husband, she eventually goes all Susan on us and flips out. It turns out that Robin has some awesome chiropractic skills, which is handy since Mike has been suffering from major back pains. She helps him out a few times, but eventually Susan goes a little psycho from seeing too much physical contact. Convinced that she can help Mike just as well and Robin, she tries cracking his back herself and puts him in the hospital. Of course. When Robin brings MJ to the hospital Susan tells Robin that she just wasn’t comfortable with her husband being touched by a stripper in that way. Robin has had it with people calling her a stripper! She says maybe it would be best if she moved out, in order to preserve her friendship with Susan.

Katherine and the Stripper

“No one judges the woman from the loony bin when there's a stripper next door.”

Katherine is lonely in her big empty house, and coincidentally Robin is now looking for a new place to stay so her friendship with Susan isn’t destroyed. Katherine agrees to rent her a room. While getting settled in, Robin asks Katherine what it was like in the loony bin. She’s just wondering because she had always fantasized about sending her mother there. To be fair, her mother was an abusive alcoholic who took out all of her rage at Robin’s father out on her. More Robin back story not possible! Katherine takes a break from the usual “it wasn’t so bad” spiel and says that the worst part wasn’t the screaming, it was the patients with cold dead stares. It’s an odd subject to bond over, but they crack a few jokes and head out for a drink together.

During their girls night out a man comes up to them and asks them to join him and his friend for a drink. Robin politely turns them down and says they are having a girls night, but she changes her mind (a little reluctantly) when unlucky in love Katherine expresses an interest in them. Of course, as expected, the men fawn over Robin and ignore Katherine. Robin tries her best to deflect attention back over to Katherine, who is apparently thinking about starting her own catering company, but the men keep coming back to Robin and want to know what she does. A frustrated Katherine tells them that Robin is a stripper. Robin corrects her by saying she is an ex-stripper, and she is ready to leave. The men try to convince her to stay, and she tries again to throw Katherine a bone, but the men flatly reject her. So if they aren’t interested in a strong, smart, beautiful woman like Katherine, Robin informs them she’ll have to keep Katherine for herself. And she kisses Katherine. The men are shocked (and horny), and Katherine is surprised, but definitely enjoyed it.

Back at home, Katherine says she is ready to give up on men, which Robin is all for. Robin reveals to Katherine that she used to date men, but it never quite clicked. Then, while she was working at the strip club she realized that she was really attracted to women. Katherine tells her that she doesn’t think she’s been barking up the wrong tree, she’s just sick of barking. Katherine assures Robin that she doesn’t have a problem with Robin being gay and living with her, although she looks a little uncomfortable on the fade out.

Robin

We round out the episode with Robin taking a jog through the neighborhood. She runs into McCluskey, who reveals to Robin that she was once an underwear model for Sears Roebuck. Don’t worry, McCluskey’s boobs are 100% real. I know you were concerned. She asks Robin how she is settling in and Robin says that it’s nice to be in a place where people actually see her. They don’t look at her and see stripper anymore, they see Robin the person. She jogs through the neighborhood and we get a voice over confirming that the people of Wysteria Lane are looking past her beautiful exterior. However, there is at least one person (KATHERINE) who is definitely still appreciating Robin’s beauty.

TV Blind Dates ~ Part 3

The final installment of awkward random TV pairings.




Annie Edison (Community) and John Locke (Lost)

Common Ground: The both have a vulnerable side, a need for approval, and obsessive tendencies. Also, I’m just guessing about Annie, but I think it’s safe to bet that they are both rocking some Daddy issues.

Possible Conflicts: The age difference is staggering, and a little gross. Plus Locke’s occasional deaths could put a real strain on a relationship.

At the end of the date: 18% chance of a second date. 100% chance that he is technically old enough to be her grandpa.





Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation) and Walter Bishop (Fringe)

Common Ground: Walter shares Leslie’s appreciation of parks. They are both known to be a little out of touch with the rest of the world.

Possible Conflicts: Walter’s checkered past would be sure to complicate Leslie’s future presidential campaign. The age difference might be a bit troublesome, but if you were to just not count those years that Walter was in the mental institution then they almost catch up with each other.

At the end of the date: 41% chance of a second date. 23% likelihood of Walter convincing Leslie to take a homemade hallucinogen.





Kate Beckett (Castle) and Chuck Bartowksi (Chuck)

Common Ground: Both have high risk jobs where getting shot at is just part of a day’s work. They both will fight for what is right. Beckett might play it cool, but we all know that she is a giant dork deep down.

Possible Conflicts: Beckett is pretty well settled into her adult life while Chuck still has a bit of maturing to do. He’s not quite ready to break through Beckett’s emotional walls yet. (sidenote: how weird is it that their counterparts were paired with eachother in part 2?)

At the end of the date: 72% chance of a second date. 40% chance that Beckett will be sporting a mullet.






Bree Hodge (Desperate Housewives) and Benjamin Linus (Lost)

Common Ground: He’s a BAMF and she’s a HBIC. They share an appreciation for the finer things in life. Whenever possible, Ben is polite and well mannered. They are both used to people dying around them at disproportionate rates.

Possible Conflicts: You know what? No conflicts. I’ve just realized these two are perfect together. Plus there couple name could be Benree. Win win.

At the end of the date: 80% likely to get married and have a bunch of ginger babies. 32% chance of Widmore putting out a death order on at least one of these kids.

 

 


Joan Harris (Mad Men) and Bill Compton (True Blood)

Common Ground: They both have an ageless beauty. We know Joan has a thing for older men (we’re looking at you, Roger). Bill knows how to treat a woman with respect, unlike Joan’s asshole husband.

Possible Conflicts: Bill is cool and powerful and all, but there is no way he could handle a woman as fierce as Joan.

At the end of the date: 76% probability of a second date but only a 25% chance that Joan will understand a word Bill says.

Minicaps: DH, Amazing Race, Castle, HIMYM, SYTYCD

It’s sad but true that we are still behind on TV, but here’s a quick run through of some of our viewing for this week so far including Desperate Housewives, Amazing Race, Castle, HIMYM, and SYTYCD.

Desperate Housewives

We’re just going to go ahead and call it – RIP Karl. That’s the major death we’re putting our money on. We’re also going with Lynette having a miscarriage from saving Celia. We all together on that? Okay. We’ll check in after the next new episode which will be a misleading fantasy episode showing us some fake futures.

PS: I’ve just awarded Desperate Housewives 50 bonus points for naming this episode “Boom Crunch.”


Amazing Race

Meghan and Cheyne won it all, which wasn’t particularly shocking but was entirely satisfying. Anyone else ready to punch Ericka in the face by the time they were two seconds into the cirque du soleil challenge? And we were so impressed with her when she repelled down the side of that building with little to no complaining! So congrats to Meghan and Cheyne! You got the million dollars plus a whole mess of prizes from coming in first so many times. And you probably won’t break-up the second you get him, so that’s an added bonus!

Castle

Girl’s hair is finally getting less mullety, and that alone is worth a mention. On to the actual episode. Usually when we are able to recognize a guest star on shows like this we are pretty safe to say that they are involved in whatever murder/crime we are investigating (meaning, they did it!) but this week really threw us for a loop. We had:

Rider Strong

 Riley

and Cut Throat

so our minds pretty much overloaded with possibilities. Then it turned out to be some random assistant that we didn’t recognize at all! What a rip! Rider Strong has done this to us before (see his episode of Bones where he was a giant creeper red herring), but we expected more from you Riley and Cut Throat!

HIMYM

So Maggie, the girl who Ted and the rest of man kind  were all trying to get with was very familiar. Of course she’s been on Gossip Girl, Privileged, Reba, Freaks and Geeks and a whole mess of other stuff that I can place her in even though I never really watched. But just now I scroller threw her imdb and had my mind blown by her 37 episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?. Old school (season 3 and on). Now that I know she was Sam in the Midnight Society I totally get it, Ted.

Barney had some good stuff with his overalls challenge, and Robin was great at foiling him and throwing herself at Maggie’s friend, but the real star of this episode totally had to be past Marshal, with a future Marshal as a close runner up.

Dear Future Me,

First off, you'd better be driving either a kick-ass Camaro or the A-Team van. That's priority numero uno. And by now your rattail should hang down to your frickin' knees. You can still slam-dunk, obviously. And you've legally changed your name to "Vanilla Thunder." Your wife, let me break it down: blonde, six feet tall, has an awesome rack and caters to your every need.

(“Sorry, babe." "That's okay. You just described your mother.")

You're still rocking the stone-washed overalls, because this look is working. Oh, and most importantly, you'd better be saving the world. If you became some lame, corporate sellout? Just throw yourself off a cliff, because you suck. And I? Licky boom-boom down.

SYTYCD

Poor Russel, having his partner taken away due to an injury the day of the performance for the second time! Is he cursed or sabotaging? Hmmmm. Sorry Ashleigh. Me thinks it might be best for you and Ryan to go home together this week. If Kathryn is in the bottom again I then I seriously don’t get America. If she and Jacob don’t make it to the finale there will be hell to pay. My guesses for the bottom 2 guys and girls: Ryan, Russell, Ashleigh and Ellenore (although I would much prefer to see Mollie down there) with Ryan and Ashleigh hitting the road.

PS: Did Samantha Ronson’s remix of Easy Street make you want to stab someone or was that just us?

Quickies - Amazing Race, Mad Men, DH, HIMYM, Castle

Here's a quick sampling platter of our recent TV veiwing:

Amazing Race

Dammit Keri! Headed home this week were Lance and Keri. Thank god. They had gotten to the point of annoyance where I couldn’t even be amused by them any more. Ok, I laughed a little (maybe a lot) at the fact that they spent 90% of their time driving the wrong way up and down the highway. But then they were all too quick to remind us of why we hated them so much when Lance finished the water finding challenge and practically threw their stuff at the local clue giver while saying ''Have a spoon, have a ladle, have a nice life'' in a way that made my skin crawl. Peace out.

Side note to Ericka and Brian: you two are the only ones who care that you are an interracial couple. Enough with the “Ebony and Ivory” business!


Mad Men

Betty found Don’s box of super secrets. Not they best hiding spot in the world, Don – and a little careless with the keys! She sat up all night with the box ready to confront him about it, but he was too busy doing Sally’s former teacher. So she simply put the box away and pretended like nothing happened. That can’t be good. We don’t even know how she processed the information. There’s the divorce certificate from the real Don Draper’s wife and the deed to that house – so she’s pretty sure that he was married before and never told her. But what about all of the pictures of him labeled Dick?!?!?! Could she possibly be able to put that together too? Only time will tell.

Props to Sally for delivering a great “Geez Louise” to some of Betty’s awesome parenting, and to Paul Kinsey for kind of realizing that Peggy is advertising magic.

Desperate Housewives

Oh Julie, we called that you were sleeping with the Bolen dad on the first episode – I mean, you DO like your older men. When Susan find her diary and she only referred to her lover as “D.” we were like, “What the hell is the Bolen guy’s first name? The son is Danny, but it can’t be him . . .” and then when his wife called him “Nick” we were like, “So the ‘D’ is for . . . Dad . . . . Bolen?” It wasn’t until the shocking  entirely predictable ending that he showed up to her hospital bed and called himself “Dominic” that we knew it was him for sure. Whatever, I’m calling him “Dad Bolen” from now on.

Also in this episode, Katherine done gone crazy and Lynette’s pregnancy boobs are out of control!


How I Met Your Mother

Robin is in danger of getting deported because she hurt someone with a chair at the Hoser Hutt, so Barney helps her cram for an American citizenship exam. This goes pretty well until she ends up back at the Canadian bar that night and finds herself in Toronto in the morning. Despite Barney’s attempts to Americanize her, she is still a Canadian at heart. Sadly, she finds that she isn’t the same Canadian girl she used to be when a woman at Tim Horton’s mistakes her for an American when she doesn’t say please or thank you and didn’t watch the last night’s game. Alas she is a woman without a Country. Barney yells at Canada for being stupid enough to let women like Robin leave, and then gets the crap beaten out of him by a bunch of burley Canadian men (and possible children, and Robin a little).

Meanwhile Ted and Marshall embark upon a road trip like to used to in College. One snag – Lilly. She’s coming along to put a damper on their fun. There were some excellent moments over into his plot line as well, including the results of too much Tantrum, Kenny Roger’s narration of “Goodbye, Sparky”, and a flashback to the Fiero in full “And I would walk 500 miles” glory.

Top Quotes:

“There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!” - Barney about Canada’s $5 bill.

“How do you know the Canadian citizenship test is easy?” – Robin
“It's Canada. Question one, do you want to be Canadian? Question two, really?” – Barney

“We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in water bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.” – Ted

Castle

Just read that ABC picked it up for a full season! Woo hoo! Much like Becket and Castle learned that they were going to be stuck with eachother for a while in this weeks episode, we can rest assured that we have at least one more full season of Nathan Fillion on our TV. We realized watching this week’s episode that one of the reasons that they are so amusing together is that they are both so completely lacking in subtlety. They are blunt and emotional and competitive, and we love that. Keep on keeping on, Castle! Also, we are pretty sure that next week Castle dresses up like Captain Reynolds for Halloween (or at least it looked a lot like that in the quick preview). Nice. Then again, the promo pictures show him in a different outfit, so maybe out imaginations are just getting away from us. I prefer the first option.

And because I have no GIFs particularly relevant to any of these episodes yet, let's just take a moment to be excited for Wednesday night's shows, including Glee and Modern Family!

Quickies - HIMYM, Castle, Eastwick, House, DH

And now, some randomly ordered quickies:


How I Met Your Mother

Another great HIMYM, and it was super Barney/Robin-centric. We loved Barney’s classroom ADD – “Can we have class outside?” And as an added bonus Lilly totally said she has sex dreams about Robin. What what? I am very disappointed in the GIF-creating community that I don’t have anything to share from this episode yet. But, I can share with you this link to Barney’s blog to see his notes from class.


Castle

Not only do we love this show, but it turns out that the Neilson Families out there are starting to catch on too! The ratings are way up for this season, which is awesome and totally deserved. Now if only all of these people could start watching Dollhouse too while they’re at it. Another great episode, and next week’s episode looks hilarious, so keep an eye out!


Eastwick

We’re still really liking it. The plot is starting to pick-up in pace and we’re get a sense of the town’s past, which turns out to be chock full of Darryl. As a very special bonus, Cybil Shepherd showed up as someone we most certainly will be seeing again. Score!

House

House is back on the job – kind of. He basically just there to give input, but has no real authority since he doesn’t have his license back yet. Taub seems to have stuck his his word about quitting, since he was no where to be seen. 13, however, is still bouncing around in Foreman’s personal life. *Spoiler Alert* - she’ll definitely be back on the team once Cameron leaves later on in the season. James Earl Jones guest starred as an Evil dictator, who ends up basically being murdered by Chase. Our Geeky selves couldn’t stop giggling when he said “rebel”. I can’t believe Chase killed Darth Vader. On the home front, House has clearly been watching too much Dexter during his recovery. He broke into his Vietnam vet neighbor’s apartment, shot him up with drugs, duct taped him to a chair, and . . . cured the guy of his phantom arm pain? Ummm, thanks?

Desperate Housewives

Well Julie looks like she’s going to pull through, and she’s not pregnant (which apparently was a worry?), so that’s good. They’ve already arrested the new kid for her strangling, which of course means he didn’t do it – that’s way too obvious, right? I’m seriously loving Bree and the fact that she’s basically hoping for Julie to wake up with brain damage or memory loss (so that she doesn’t remember seeing Bree and Carl making out hardcore next to her coma bed). Also, I take this is a sign that Gabby should be paying a little more attention to her actual children – especially this one that we never see:

Quickies - DH, House, Castle, and P&R

Desperate Housewives

We loved vengeful Katherine, especially when she wore Susan’s wedding dress while stirring a messy pot of tomato sauce. We know that she’s seriously hurt, and we feel bad for her, but I for one kinda hope she never gets over it. I can take this Katherine all season long. Not sure how we feel about the new neighbors yet. It’s weird to have them assimilated so quickly, what with the quick time passage and all. They’re clearly on the run from something. The mob? The police? Something to do with their creepy kind? And her big ass back scar? Interesting. We’ll see how you go new guys. As far as Julie goes, the easy suspects are Katherine (I don’t believe for a second that she would actually do that) and the creepy new kid or his sketchy Dad. I’m sure fingers will be pointing by next week. Also, we love Lynette and this story lien. We hope you end up loving your babies by the time they pop out and that you don’t do anything drastic.

Two quotes from the night that amused me:

''I got really lucky. The woman who handled the properties in the area, she slammed her car into a pole and got fried by a power line.'' – Lee, explaining how he had gotten such a great house for his first listing.

''We will never be done if we birth two every time one moves out — that's just math!'' - Lynette

House

All House and Wilson all the time please. Their scenes were pretty much the only good thing about this episode. The case wasn’t that interesting, and Foreman suck ass as a boss. Oh, and for the love of gob shave that pube beard, Foreman! We can’t take it anymore. Also intolerable are him and Thirteen (Foreteen – gag me with a spoon). Our hate for them as a couple burns so bright that it has completely erased any memory why (or if) we ever liked them as individuals. Being in charge put a serious strain on their relationship, which led him to fire her (ummmmm, I’m pretty sure that’s sexual harassment). Oh, and Taub quit, which I keep forgetting. Next week House is back at work, and we get James Earl Jones as a patient – so things should be looking up!


Castle

This show just keeps getting better and better. We loved the inter office bet on who could solve their murder first, and thought it was great to have Becket be just as competitive as Castle instead of standing to the side judging him like we would have thought. While the show is improving with each episode, poor Becket’s hair is not so lucky. She’s got some unfortunate stuff happening. Hope they fix that soon.

Parks and Recreations

Keeps being funny! You go, guys! I especially loved the C-plot line of Ron Swanson stuck in his chair all day from a hernia. Over all it wasn’t quite as funny as last week, but it keeps hopes high for the rest of the season.