After months of anticipation it has finally begun. The final season of Lost is upon us. If you haven’t had the chance to watch last night’s season premiere (shame on you!), you should DEFINTELY not read this post. Hurry on over to abc.com and get caught up, STAT. For those good little girls and boys who are up to speed, please crawl through the wall, watch out for one armed French skeletons, scoot around the giant hole, and find your way to the hidden temple.
No, not that one.
That’s more like it.
In one timeline, the bomb detonated and presumably destroyed the island and all of its inhabitants, which means that Oceanic flight 815 never crashes, but that is not the only consequence. We’ll call this the sideways timeline. How egotistical of Jack and the other Losties to think that there would be no other consequences or changes to the timeline! Things in this timeline are a little off. For example: Desmond is on the plane; Shannon, Michael and Walt are AWOL; Hurley has had nothing but good luck since winning the lottery; Christian’s coffin never made it onto the plane; and the entire island is underwater. Luckily, Sliders has prepared us for this kind of thing, so we’re following along nicely. In this timeline the plane lands successfully, Kate manages to ditch the marshal and ends up in a cab with Claire, Sawyer will probably be conning Hurley in the near future, Charlie almost died choking on a bag of heroin but was saved by Jack, Jin is being detained by security because of a suspicious amount of money found in his luggage, and Shannon is off being lame in Australia still (suits us just fine).
In the OTHER timeline, Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, Miles, Sayid, Jin, and Juliet were all propelled through time to 2007 where it is as if the bomb did not detonate. This is the timeline that we know, where all of the events of the past 5 seasons have taken place. They are now in sync with the Ajira crash. Unfortunately, Juliet is bleeding from just about every part of her body. Sawyer manages to dig his way to her, where she dies in his arms after saying they should get coffee some time, and realizing she has something really important to tell him. Damn this episode for making us watch Juliet die three times! The important thing, we learn courtesy of Miles (our resident Ghost Whisperer), is that “it worked.” Meanwhile, dead Jacob appeared to Hurley and told him to bring Sayid to the Temple by way of the entrance Jin saw during his time jumps last season. Once they all get there we meet up with Cindy (hey girl!), a Japanese dude who seems to be in charge (Mr. Dogen), and a spectacled translator (Lennon). After a secret note from Jacob is discovered inside the ankh in the guitar case Hurley has been carrying around, they decide not to shoot our Losties. Sayid is brought to a magic healing spring, which apparently doesn’t look as awesome as it usually does. The spring fails to heal him. We do a mini dance of a rejoice, but it is short lived because by the end of the episode he pops back to life. Dammit, Sayid! You can’t even die right!
Back on the other side of the island, our suspicions from last season were confirmed when John is revealed to by the Man in Black (aka Jacob’s nemesis), who also just so happens to be the smoke monster. For simplicity’s sake I’m going to call him MIB until we get a better name. So MIB sends Ben back out to bring him Richard, who reveals Locke’s corpse to Ben. Ben is sent back into the statue with some of Jacob’s body guards (way to fail, guys) all of whom (except Ben) get brutally killed by MIB in smoke monster form. MIB heads out to the beach, tells everyone that he is very disappointed in them, tells Richard it is nice to see him out of chains, and then knocks him out, slings him over his shoulder, and heads off into the jungle.
Is this all making sense to you?
Hang in there guys.
What we learned or inferred:
- Richard was a slave aboard the Black Rock (or so MIB’s chain comment leads us to believe). We had already suspected he was on the ship, but didn’t entirely see the slave part coming.
- Fake Locke = Man in Black = Smokey. Oh, and bullets bounce right off him – so shooting him accomplishes nothing but pissing him off.
- The guitar case that Jacob gave Hurley carried a wooden ankh, which had one of Jacob’s infamous lists hidden inside it. Dude, an envelope would have been way easier for Hurley to lug around through time. Just saying.
- The circle of ash does in fact prevent MIB/Smokey from crossing. However, it doesn’t stop him from throwing crap at you to knock you out of the circle so he can kill you. Sorry Bram.
- Michael and Walt were not on Oceanic 815 in the sideways timeline (confirmed by Darlton on Jimmy Kimmel).
- Directly or indirectly, the detonation of the bomb causes the island to be at the bottom of the ocean in the sideways timeline.
New and continuing questions:
- What is Frank a candidate for? The new Richard? The new Jacob? Their new leader? Sexiest man of the year? All of these are viable options.
- Since the island is underwater in sideways land, Desmond never crashed there (which is how he is able to be on the plane). Does this mean he successfully sailed around the world? Did he win Penny’s heart? Does Penny even exist??? When was she born again? Did Jack recognize Desmond from meeting him in the stadium, or is there a greater sense of deja vous going on there?
- What is up with mysterious blood on Jack’s neck?
- Was Daniel Faraday ever born? Did little Ben die???
- If Hurley has had nothing but good luck since winning the lottery (presumably with the same numbers), does that mean that the numbers are no longer cursed? And did he still hear the numbers in for the first time while he was in the mental institution? How did that guy know the numbers if the island was destroyed?
- Did Juliet get a glimpse at the sideways timeline as she died? In that timeline is she having a coffee date with Sawyer? Does anyone really say “go dutch” anymore in reference to paying for your own coffee? Maybe she meant they should go to Holland. Hehehe.
- Where is the “home” that MIB speaks of? The temple? Or something more abstract? Does Richard hold the key to getting him home?
- Where did the Japanese guy (Mr. Dogen) come from? Is he the official temple guardian? How long has he been on the island?
- Why wasn’t the water in the temple spring clear? Was it because of Jacob’s death? If it didn’t work healing Mr. Dogen’s hand, how did it heal Sayid? Did it? Is something more mysterious going on there? What exactly are the risks we were warned of? Because if it’s the loss of innocence (like with little Ben), I don’t think that will change Sayid much.
- In the sideways timeline, why did Locke lie to Boone about the walkabout?
- Does sideways Sun still speak English? Is Jin still a giant douche? Okay, I think we already got our answer on that last one.
- Is anyone else concerned that Christian’s corpse is missing . . . and possibly armed with Locke’s knives?
A couple of quotes:
Ben: You're the monster.
MIB: Let's not resort to name-calling.
Locke: My condition is irreversible.
Jack: Nothing is irreversible.
Sawyer: He deserves to suffer on this rock just like the rest of us.
MIB: Do you want to know what he was thinking while you choked the life out of him, Benjamin, what the last thought that ran through his head was? 'I don't understand!' Isn't that just the saddest thing you ever heard? But it's fitting in a way. Because when John first came to the Island, he was a very sad man. A victim shouting at the world for being told what he couldn't do, even though they were right. He was weak and pathetic and irreparably broken. But despite all that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn't want to leave, the only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was.
Island Gif Party:
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