Lost ~ The Substitute

You wanted answers? Well you’ve got them! Well, um, kind of. We may not have had every secret of the Lost universe revealed to us, but we at least had some significant layers of the Lost onion peeled away. Of course, in true Lost fashion, we are left with even more questions. If you haven’t seen this week’s episode yet, go catch up! If you have, then light up a torch and come see what everyone is talking about this week (and I don’t mean the Olympics).

Now, as I mentioned in my last blog, I had an epic fail when I tried to publish this blog the first time around. I had a beautiful comprehensive and LONG blog all typed out in word, but something went horribly wrong and it disappeared forever. So now I’m attempting to rebuild. If I miss anything super important, I’m sorry. I’m also sorry that this is coming a day late. It should have been up at 2pm on Wednesday!!! Moving along now . . .

In the Sideways-verse:

At first glance it seems as though Sideways Locke is living just as sucky a life as original timeline Locke did. When he pulls into his driveway the mechanical lift in his van breaks down inches from the ground, forcing him to propel himself off the lift, falling flat on his face. Of course, the sprinklers have to turn on at just that moment. But instead of getting angry at the world, he laughs it off. Why so jolly, John? Could it be because Helen is rushing out of the house to help you up? Hey girl! While he soaks in a tub they discuss wedding plans, and she mentions that they could just do a shot gun wedding with her parents and his father (say what?!?!). So sideways Locke is buddies with his Dad. Interesting. Helen finds Jack’s business card in Locke’s pocket and says he should call him. Hey, you never know, it could be “destiny”!

Work, however, isn’t much better for Locke. He’s still working at the box factory for that twit Randy. Or at least he was before Randy fired him for skipping out on all of the conference events the company sent him to Sydney to attend. Out in the parking lot Locke lets his “I’ve just been fired” rage out on a yellow hummer parked too close for his lift to come down. Or at least he tries to, but the lift fails about an inch away from scraping the hummer’s paint. Chalk it up to Hurley’s awesome luck, since he is the car's owner. He apologizes for being a little to close, but he rightly points out that there is an available handicapped spot right next to where Locke parked. Locke gets all “You can’t tell me where I can’t park” for a second, but gets over it pretty quick. Hurley tells him that he owns the company and he could talk to that douche Randy if Locke wanted. Instead Locke took the number for the temp agency Hurley also owns. Hurley tells him not to worry, and that everything is going to work out.

At the temp agency an annoying woman (who was Hurley’s tarot card reader in the original timeline) asks Locke a bunch of questions like what animal does he identify himself as and if he’s “a people person.” Locke doesn’t stand for this (BECAUSE HE CAN’T BECAUSE HE’S IN A WHEEL CHAIR – GET IT? sorry) and demands to see her supervisor, who turns out to be none other than that fierce bitch, Rose. When she asks Locke what kind of job he would like, he obstinately asks to be a construction supervisor. He starts to get all uppity when she suggests it might not be a good fit, despite his experience, but then Rose whips out the cancer card. She tells Locke that she has terminal cancer and she had to move past the denial and continue living whatever life she has left. It would be wise for John to do the same.

A while later Locke begins to call Jack for a consult, but changes his mind when the receptionist answers. Helen wonders what that was all about, and he tells her it was nothing and that he got fired. When his lost luggage gets delivered he tells her to open the case, which of course was full of knives. He tells her that he ditched work for the walkabout, but that he was told he couldn’t do it. He was angry, but now he’s accepted his limitations. He tells her not to hold out for any miracles, because there isn’t such a thing. Helen says that there are miracles, and that the only thing she has ever waited for was him. She tears up Jack’s card. Oh Helen, we love you. We sure hope you don’t die of a brain aneurism in this timeline too.

Next we find Locke at his new job as a substitute teacher. He coaches gym class, teaches sex education, and most importantly hangs out in the teacher’s lounge with the hottest European History teacher of all time.

“Alright, I know I sound like a broken record, but how many times do I have to go over this? If you have the last cup of coffee, you REMOVE the filter and throw it AWAY. Fear not! I will make a fresh pot.”

What do you think the odds are that Arzt works at this school too?


Original Timeline: Putting the "Fun" in Funeral

Ilana is all tears over what happened in the cave because a) she totally was in love with Jacob if you ask us, and b) if she was some sort of guardian of Jacob she failed miserably. She asks Ben what happened and he said that Locke/MIB turned into a pillar of smoke and killed the men (true) and that he also killed Jacob (false) and kicked him into the fire (true). Call me crazy, but I think Ilana knows the “rules” well enough to know that MIB couldn’t have killed Jacob directly. She either lets it slide, or believes him, and fills up a pouch with Jacob’s ashes. Anyone else a little disturbed at how quickly Jacob’s body went up? No bones left over or anything. The fire was seriously not hot enough to have been able to do that on a normal human. Did he just turn to ash instantly or something? Perhaps. Anyways, she tells Ben that MIB took Richard because he is recruiting.

Ilana tells everyone to head to the temple, because it is the safest place on the island. Sun is reluctant to go with her, but Ilana is smart enough to play the Jin card. She says that if he is only the island, he would be there. Sun (of course) agrees to follow, but she insists that they bury Locke’s body first (which is now crawling with crabs, and I don’t mean the sexy kind).

Ilana, Sun, Ben, and Lapidus head off to bury the body. Along the way Ben asks why Ilana brought the corpse all the way to the statue, and she said that she needed to show the others what they were up against. She tells Ben that MIB is stuck with John’s body now (besides smoke form, obviously). This doesn’t explain how Smokey turned into Alex when it confronted Ben last season . . . or Christian. Maybe this rule just went into effect when Jacob died?

We are somehow supposed to believe that they marched the body all the way from the statue to the survivor’s grave yard (hey Eko’s church!). I’m sorry, but Jin, Sun, and Sayid had to sail halfway around the damn island before the discovered that foot statue. It seems like that should have been at least a full days walk. Maybe they took a boat? Lapidus and Ben dig the grave and they lay Locke to rest. When Ilana asks someone to say something, since they knew him, Ben steps up the plate with a touching eulogy.

Ben: John Locke was a... believer. He was a man of faith. He was a much better man than I will ever be, and I'm very sorry I murdered him.

Lapidus: This is the weirdest damn funeral I've ever been to.

Original Timeline: Into the Woods Jungle

We start things off with a nifty sequence from smokey’s perspective, moving through the jungle, to New Otherton, and back again to a machete. MIB takes (Locke’s) solid form and uses the machete to release Richard from a very Rousseau-ish trap. He gives Richard one last chance to join him. Richard wants to know why he chose Locke’s form, and MIB revealed that he needed to look like one of the candidates to get close to Jacob. The candidate business is apparently new to Richard.

“Jacob didn't tell you? He never said why? I never would have done that to you! I never would have kept you in the dark! I would have treated you with respect!”

MIB tries again to get Richard to join his side, but the offer is declined. MIB then spots a mysterious creepy boy with bloody arms. Richard cannot see the boy. MIB tells Richard that they’ll be seeing each other again soon, and he heads off the New Otherton.

Sawyer has been pretty busy listening to loud music and getting sloshed on Whiskey. When MIB appears, Sawyer isn’t as surprised as one might think.

Sawyer: I thought you were dead.

MIB: I am.

Sawyer pours him a drink and says he doesn’t care whether he is dead or alive or the ghost of Christmas past, he just wants to be left alone. He can, however, tell that he isn’t John Locke.

"Locke was scared even when he was pretending he wasn't. But you, you ain't scared."

MIB tells Sawyer that he can answer the most important question of all: Why are you on this island? Although reluctant at first, Sawyer agrees to put on some pants and go with MIB. Hey, he doesn’t have anything better to do.

Out in the jungle, MIB is asking Sawyer why he isn’t at the temple, but they are interrupted by the appearance of the mysterious boy (bloodless this time). This time Sawyer is able to see the boy, which surprises MIB. MIB takes off after the boy, who reminds him that he “knows the rules” and he “can’t kill him” (we assume him to be Sawyer in this equation).

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

Why MIB is MIA, Richard pops out of the jungle and tells Sawyer that he has to come with him to the temple, for his own safety. He says that MIB wants everyone dead. Richard scurries back into the jungle when he hears MIB returning.

Sawyer, now a little suspicious, talks to about of Mice and Men and then threatens to put a bullet in MIB’s head. MIB could care less. When Sawyer asks what MIB is, he responds that he is trapped.

“I've been trapped for so long I don't even remember what it feels like to be free. Maybe you understand that. But before I was trapped I was a man just like you. I know what its like to feel joy to feel pain, anger, fear, to experience betrayal. I know what it's like to lose someone you love....”

He convinces Sawyer to keep following him, because they are very close. They soon arrive to a cliff with a cave part way down. Sawyer says there is no way he’s going down those sketchy ladders (JACOB’S LADDER) first, and MIB happily starts climbing down. He conveniently neglects to give Sawyer a heads up that he’ll need to switch ladders part down. Was this an attempt to kill Sawyer, or an excuse to look like a hero when he saves him? Methinks a little of both.

When they enter the cave the find a scale balancing a white and black rock. MIB picks up the white rock and throws it into the ocean.

“Inside joke.”

MIB lights a torch and leads the way deeper into the cave. We discover that the walls and ceiling are covered in names, most of which have been crossed off, many preceded by numbers.

“That's why you're here. That, James, is why you are all here.”

There are a lot of familiar names up there, but the only ones which remain uncrossed are:

4 Locke (MIB crosses this off himself in a few moments)
8 Reyes
15 Ford
16 Jarrah
23 Shepard
42 Kwon (MIB doesn’t know whether this is Jin or Sun)

MIB tells Sawyer that they had all been touched by Jacob at some point in their lives.

“At some point in your life he came to you when you were vulnerable or miserable, he came to you, manipulated you, pulled your strings like you were a puppet and as a result the choices you thought you made were never really choices, he was pushing you, pushing you to the Island.”

He tells Sawyer that the names were all candidates to replace Jacob as the protector of the island. According to MIB the island doesn’t needs protecting, it’s just a damn island (puh-lease). He tells Sawyer that he has three options. He can either do nothing and see how it all plays out, take over Jacob’s job, or get the hell off the island with MIB. So is Sawyer ready to go home?

“Hell yes.”

Do we think that Sawyer has a bit of a con running in his mind right now? Perhaps. I don’t know if the new Sawyer would completely abandon the rest of his people. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.


Easter Eggs, Sidenotes, and Questions:

• In the Sideways-verse, Locke had a picture of him with his father in his cubicle.

• The banner in the teacher’s lounge says “Live in the present, plan for the future.”

• The coffee mug that Locke is drinking from in the bathtub is the same mug used by Cassidy in "Whatever Happened, Happened".

• Locke’s alarm clock made the same sound as the Swan station’s alarm, and his wheelchair lift breaking down sounded a lot like the smoke monster.

• Since Ben is teaching in the Sideways-verse, that means little Ben made it off the island sometime before it sunk into the ocean. This means either that the island didn’t sink immediately after Juliet detonated the bomb, or that the Others were somehow able to get him safely off the island before the explosion.

• In the original timeline it was Locke’s father that pushed him out of the window and caused his paralysis. He then disappeared off the Mexico. Then, sometime after he heard about the crash of 815, he was rear ended, drugged, and woke up tied to a chair on the island. But since Sideways Locke and he are buddies, does that mean he was thrown out of the window by someone else? Was he paralyzed in some other way? Or did his Dad just say he was really really sorry?

• Are there still a bunch of Ajira survivors over on the small island wondering what the hell is going on?

• If Lapidus is a candidate, as Ilana said he might be, why isn’t his name up there ont the wall with everyone elses?

• Why isn’t Kate’s name in the cave? Damon Lindelof confirmed that it is not there. Was Kate special to Jacob for a non-candidate reason? Could she be a possible guardian to the candidate? Or did Jacob just realize that Kate was wicked lame and not bother writing her down?

• In the original timeline it was Abadon who suggested Locke go on the walkabout in the first place. He was acting as an agent of Charles Widmore. His job was to get people to where “they needed to be.” Since the island is under the ocean, Widmore would certainly not have bothered to have Abadon go to Locke. Did the walkabout idea come to Locke on his own?

• What is up with that creepy boy? Is he a manifestation of Jacob? Aaron? Sawyer? Someone completely new? Does he act as some sort of referee between Jacob and MIB? Here’s how the casting call describes him, if we can take that to mean anything:

Teenage boy, caucasian, 12-14. Dirty blond hair. Wise beyond his years. He's got intense, searching eyes. He's dealt with a horrible family accident. Even at a young age, he has been put in charge of something very important, and it weighs heavily on his shoulders.

• You can go HERE for a complete list of the names identified on the cave wall so far, but a few familiar names include: Burke (Juliet), Lewis (Charlotte), Faraday (Daniel), Littleton (Claire or Aaron), Goodspeed (Ethan, Horace, or Amy), Rutherford (Shannon), Rousseau (Danielle or Alex), Linus (Ben or Roger), Straume (Miles), Pace (Charlie), Fernandez (Nikki), Henderson (Rose’s maiden name), and Chang (Pierre).